Insanity Squared
by flairina
Summary: Looking to recruit a new council member under the cover of a miniature school raid, Satsuki and the Elite Four head to Furinkan High. Things go about as well as could be expected.
1. Onset of Symptoms

Note: Takes place before the beginning of Kill La Kill, but after the end (failed wedding) of Ranma.

* * *

"...A lightning assault?"

The Elite Four were each individually surprised by their lady's statement, which had seemingly come entirely out out of the blue. Nonon had been the first to speak.

"But how come, Satsuki-chan? And on what?"

The girl in question looked up from her tea to reply. "On a high school. Our true objective is not necessarily to put it under our control- that is only a front. In reality we are searching for someone skilled enough to join our higher ranks."

Nonon pulled a flute out of her hat and began absently cleaning it before replying. "Oh? Trying to enlist a transfer student? So the Elite Four may be in need of a name change soon?"

Satsuki simply nodded. Considering what they would eventually be going up against, they needed all the help they could get. Nowhere else in the country had quite as many major fighting related incidents surrounding it as this school supposedly did- surely there was someone of at least some talent there. And if not, it only helped further enhance the facade she had created until the time came to face Ragyo.

"We will be undertaking this by ourselves?" Gamagori inquired.

Satsuki nodded. "As I said, this will be Blitzkrieg- lightning war. We will come down hard, fast, and with little to no warning, though we will of course give them a chance to surrender themselves- if they do, this will have been a waste of our time. Regardless, it should take less than half a day to complete, so we have no need of additional forces that will do nothing but slow us down."

"I see..." Gamagori nodded in understanding. "And where will we be going, Lady Satsuki?"

"A school known as Furinkan High."

"...Furinkan... hmm..." Inumuta pondered aloud before breaking in to a sudden fit of typing on his ever-present laptop. "Part of the Nerima ward... the area is renowned for its various esoteric fighting styles and its extremely competent construction crews. Said to be a must-visit for any martial artists wishing to prove their strength. I see why you chose this location, Lady Satsuki."

"Quick on the uptake as always, Inumuta." Satsuki stated, allowing herself a small, thin smile.

"Heh, sounds like my kinda place!" Sanageyama exclaimed as he rested his head against the couch.

Nonon smirked. "Since when was swinging around bamboo a martial art, Monkey? You're no artist, you're a thug with a stick."

"Hey! Kendo may not be a martial art, but-"

"It matters not." Gamagori cut in before an argument could start. "We must prepare ourselves. Lady Satsuki, when will we be departing?"

Satsuki closed her eyes and stood.

"Tomorrow. Dismissed."

* * *

"We are approaching Furinkan High School." the pilot stated matter-of-factly from the front seat.

Satsuki eyed the school from the window of the private helicopter. There were visible signs of battle damage around the schoolyard, but none so severe that they did more than affect the aesthetic of the place. Otherwise, it was rather peaceful, even ordinary looking... but Satsuki knew better than many not to judge solely from appearances. There was proof enough here that this was indeed a school that had seen many fights- it was time to see just where those scars had come from.

The helicopter began to descend, dangling its person-laden ladder down as the school drew closer. Student's heads were already beginning to peek out of the windows, no doubt drawn by the sound of the vehicle's blades cutting through the air.

As soon as they reached the school's perimeter wall, the four council members hanging from the ladder leaped off of it as one, landing perfectly in position on the narrow platform to frame a small center space, large enough for but a single person to stand. The helicopter's ladder withdrew as the aircraft descended just low enough for Satsuki to step out of its side and directly on to the space framed by her Four, the branches of the nearby trees whipping back and forth from the wind as she exited the craft.

...The wall wasn't nearly as tall as she would have liked, honestly. Satsuki instantly knew that she should probably have stayed in the helicopter to do this- it was too late to back up and start over though, so she would have to make the best of it.

More students in dull blue uniforms began to lean out of the side of the building, many cramming over each other to get a glimpse at perhaps the most dramatic arrival the school had seen in ages. This turned out to be a mistake, as the moment Satsuki opened her mouth to speak, a burst of rainbow light inexplicably began shining from behind her, temporarily blinding the many students who had the misfortune to be looking directly at her.

"**I am Kiryuin Satsuki, Student Council President of Hounnouji Academy!**" Satsuki yelled, her voice projecting more than loudly enough to be heard over the dull roar of the helicopter, which was taking off even as she spoke. "**As of now, Furinkan High is under our control! Surrender, or be crushed beneath our feet!**"

As she spoke, a boy wearing what appeared to be non-standard red and black clothing suddenly came tumbling out of a third story window, landing in a crouch before dusting himself off and beginning to walk towards the quintet whilst grumbling to himself.

Satsuki ignored this in favor of continuing.

"**All attempts at resistance are futile! Submit yourselves, for you shall only be truly free once you have yielded to fear!** **Accept that truth, you pigs in human clothing!**"

It was, all in all, a rather typical sounding speech for Satsuki- not being in the highest possible position in the area was perhaps leaving her less than inspired- but it was still plenty intimidating, and should have had the desired effect. However, to the five newcomer's collective surprise, the students staring out of the school's windows (those that weren't still rubbing the spots out of their eyes) didn't look frightened, resigned, or even defiant, so much as _enthralled_, as if waiting for a show to start. The red clothed boy now standing below them merely blinked, which was hardly an appropriate reaction to an imperial demand for surrender.

"I missed about half of that," he began, apparently addressing Satsuki, "and I really got no idea what you're talkin' about, but I think you're looking for Pig Boy? Man, that's a relief... one sec', I'll get him for ya'."

Not giving Satsuki any time to process the cryptic statement, the pigtailed boy took in a deep breath before suddenly expelling it in one loud statement.

"HEY RYOGA! I CAN SEE AKANE'S PANTIES FROM HERE!"

"_WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!_" came an enraged female cry from the same window the boy had fallen from.

A fraction of a second later, there was a resounding crash as a portion of the school's outer wall fell down, and a rugged looking teen wearing traveling clothes and a tiger striped bandana stepped through, immediately leaping towards the boy who had just given his inexplicable announcement.

"RAAAAANNNNNMAAAAAA! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE AKANE LIKE THAT!"

"Huh, that was fast. I should use this more often, like when you get lost on the occasional times we actually need you around." the original boy said, more to himself than anyone else, as he sidestepped a strike from the other boy's umbrella that cratered the ground.

Satuski raised an eyebrow by a millimeter. Interesting...

As the newer arrival leveled a punch, the boy in the Chinese clothes dodged and grabbed his arm, redirecting its momentum in order to spin the other teen around to face Satsuki, who continued to look down upon the proceedings with a fierce, yet impassive seeming expression.

The boy, apparently known as Ryoga, looked confused for a moment before growing angry again. "And who is this, another fiancee?! RANMA, YOU-"

"Actually, she said she was looking for YOU, Ryoga!" the pigtailed teen interrupted with a wide smile. "She specifically asked for the 'pig in human clothing', so I knew just who to call. You sly dog, go get em' buddy!" he said cheerfully as he slapped his opponent on the back, sending him stumbling towards the wall upon which Satsuki and her council stood. The bandana wearing boy immediately turned back around and charged back towards his adversary.

"Shut up Ranma! You know I could never betray Akan- Akari like that!"

"Then what was with that little slip of the tongue, huh?"

The other boy sputtered with indignation. "I- gah, wha- ARGHHHH, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! RANMA PREPARE TO DIE!"

"WHAT'S my fault exactly?" the first boy asked with a note of incredulity while backflipping away from another head on attack. "Man, you just make less and less sense every time you show up anymore. Alright, it's been a boring day anyways. Bring it on P-Chan!"

The fight between the two began in earnest before quickly being interrupted as a desk came flying out a window, striking the pigtailed member of the pair in the back of the head. The other member paled as he considered just who might have heard Ranma's "pig" comment.

"HEY PERVERT! DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT MY UNDERWEAR! AND QUIT PICKING ON RYOGA!" yelled a girl with short, dark hair from a third floor window.

"Crazy macho chick, like I'd ever really wanna look up _your_ skirt! And stop throwin' stuff!" returned the boy who had been hit, using his hands to spring off the ground as his opponent (now reassured that nothing important had been found out) took advantage of the distraction, somehow pulling multiple bandanas out of the one on his head and tossing them overhand like knives.

Satsuki closed her eyes and shook her head an imperceptibly small amount to clear her thoughts. As interesting as the bizarre drama that appeared to be unfolding before her was, it told her little about who here was actually fit to defend the world from COVERS when the time came. While they clearly could fight, what she needed to see was who would resist if a hostile takeover began- and who might just have the potential to win.

"Gamagori."

Sensing the implication, Gamagori nodded and leapt off the wall, directly in to the middle of the fray.

"**HALT**!"

The two martial artists froze, one of them suddenly heavily reminded of a similar move from a forbidden style.

"I AM HOUNNOUJI ACADEMY'S STUDENT COUNCIL DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE CHAIR, **GAMAGORI IRA**!" Gamagori yelled at the top of his lungs as he landed between the two martial artists, the impact being comparable to a minor earthquake. "YOU WILL BOW BEFORE LADY SATSUKI! EITHER DO SO BY YOUR OWN WILL, OR BE **MADE** TO BOW!" he continued while picking up the surprised pair by the back of their shirts. "SUBMIT, AND MAKE THINGS EASIER UPON YOURSELVES!"

"...Oy Jumbo, this is between me and him, stay out of it would ya'?" Ranma said nonchalantly as he hit a pressure point on Gamagori's hand, loosening the massive fingers' grip enough for him to slip out and fall the six foot drop the to ground.

"RANMA, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Ryoga screamed at a volume nearing Gamagori's own, currently too angry to truly pay attention to anything besides Ranma and easily prying apart the fingers that held him before dropping as well.

The fighters resumed their battle, completely ignoring an utterly baffled Gamagori.

Satsuki's mouth twitched up for a fraction of a second. Well, it appeared that the tales about this place hadn't been entirely exaggerated after all. They were strong... but how long could they resist under a true assault force?

"Inumuta, Jakuzure, Sanageyama."

"Yes, Lady Satsuki?" chorused the three council members who had remained on the wall with her.

"Enter the school and test the other students for resistance. Anyone who cowers or appears to be nothing more than a common street fighter is beneath our notice, but bring or draw anyone who fights and lasts long enough over to the schoolyard. You may transform if necessary, but do not use lethal force." Satsuki ordered.

"Should we do something about that first?" Sanageyama asked, staring down at the continuing brawl going on below them. Gamagori had reentered the fray, and was now attempting to restrain at least one of the combatants, but was having difficulty catching or keeping a hold of either of them now that he had lost the element of surprise.

Satsuki shook her head. "No. This is Gamagori's battle. In the event that it becomes absolutely necessary, I will personally intercede. Go, **now**!"

"Yes, Lady Satsuki!" the remaining Elite four called out in tandem before dropping from the wall and sprinting for the school.

Satsuki waited until they were halfway there before setting her stance and preparing herself to assist Gamagori. He likely would be unable to take on both of them if what she was witnessing now was any indication- and perhaps she needed a little stress relief anyways. It had been a rather long week.

* * *

"You there, knave!"

Sanageyama stopped in his mad dash towards the school, looking around for the source of the voice while his fellow council members ran on ahead. He was the only one of the group that would really qualify for the title of "knave" after all.

"I heard your mistress' announcement. So, you seek to conquer this fine establishment of learning, do you?" asked his apparently class-skipping opponent as he stepped out from behind a tree. "Well you shall go no further, for you face Kuno Tatewaki, age 18, captain of the Kendo Club, also known as The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

The boy said this all in an extremely theatrical manner, posing dramatically with a wooden sword he seemed to have pulled from his side. Sanageyama was about ready to begin either laughing or clapping- he couldn't decide which- when a bolt of lightning cracked overhead, despite the complete lack of clouds. The other sword user looked up incredulously towards the sky, wondering if he could learn how to do that.

"It is I who shall be your opponent today! Prepare thyself!" Kuno finished, holding his bokken in a ready position.

Eventually lowering his head back to the ground, Sanageyama stared at his opponent's choice of weapon. "Hmm... kendo, huh?" he stated more than asked. "I do a bit of that myself..."

Sanageyama smirked cockily as he drew out his own shinai, this one made of bamboo instead of wood, but used for the exact same purpose as Kuno's blade. Not that either of them were planning on using their respective weapons "properly".

Kuno blinked at the sight, before standing up straighter in order to address Sanageyama once more. "A fellow swordsman, are you? Tell me then, what is your name, so I may know whom I have defeated at this battle's end?"

Sanageyama couldn't help it- he grinned, genuinely. Sure, the ancient samurai act this guy was putting out was a little cliche, but he could really get behind the dramatic proclamations bit- in fact, he could play that game quite easily.

"I am Hounnouji Academy's Student Council Athletic Committee Chair, Sanageyama Uzu! Former representative of the Northern Kanto Gang Leader Alliance! Three star student under the command of Lady Satsuki, and..."

He gave his sword a well practiced twirl before resting it on his shoulder.

"...Kendo Club Captain." he finished, flashing his teeth with a confident grin.

"I see..." Kuno stage-whispered. "Then I give you this chance to prove yourself in combat, my brother. But know this, Sanageyama!" Kuno declared, pointing his sword at his white clad opponent. "Today is the day of your defeat! For whether you prove to be a worthy opponent or not, you shall not triumph here!"

The three star student grinned even wider. "Is that so? I am the strongest of Hounnounji Academy's Elite Four! The all seeing blade of Lady Satsuki, the irresistible spear that pierces all in her path! You will not win this battle, for as long as I have these eyes, I _cannot lose!_"

Had there been any observers to this "fight", by now they would have either broken out in fits of laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of what was quickly becoming ham on ham combat, or begun to grow frustrated at how long these two were taking to start beating each other with their stupid sticks already. Thankfully, the pre-battle script finally seemed to run out of material, as the two fell quiet and faced each other.

It would have been a considerably tense scene- a pair of swordsmen facing off, their hair blowing in a light breeze as each one readied their respective weapons. Two masters of the (practice) blade, both of them skilled enough to use mere wood and bamboo more effectively than steel. Their eyes locked upon each other's, staring their opponent down in preparation of a truly dramatic showdown... except that the sounds of Ranma, Ryoga, and what Sanageyama thought was likely Gamagori fighting each other was still going on in the background, making the affair more comical than anything else.

The two did their best to ignore it though.

And on some unspoken signal...

"LET'S GO!"

"I STRIKE!"

* * *

"...okay, so I've got 1:2 odds that she's a new fiancee of Ranma's, 1:3 odds that she's here seeking vengeance on Ranma or to kidnap my sister, 1:5 odds that she's here for both, and 1:10 odds that she's here for something else entirely." Nabiki announced as she began the betting pool.

"What kind of odds can I get on Ranma picking her in the end if she is a new fiancee?"

"Can't say just yet, come back later."

"Can I get odds on the wrinkled gnome guy showing up?"

"1:1. She's a girl. You don't get to bet on Happosai showing up unless the new arrival is male; we've discussed this before."

"What kind of odds do I get on ALL the new arrivals being fiancees, either to his guy or girl form?"

"I'll give you 1:50 on that, how much are you betting?"

"Hey, hold on. Didn't she just say she was here to take the school or something? So don't we already know she's not here as a fiancee?"

"Please, what they say initially is hardly EVER all there is to Ranma's enemies, especially the girls. Every fiancee he's got, Akane included, either is or was trying to kill him at some point. I'll give you 1:25 odds on that if you'd like, but if this Satsuki girl has any other motivations, or changes goals at some point, the house wins."

A sky blue haired boy stood silently just outside the doorframe, discretely observing the mass of people congregating around the bookmaker. As an elite five man squad, they were quite powerful, but nowhere near numerous enough to search the entire school at once. Thus, he and Nonon had split up- Sanageyama had somehow gotten lost somewhere between the school's main entrance and its outer wall, but he'd no doubt turn up sooner or later. Inumuta was fairly certain each of them had enough power to take down most forms of resistance they might each encounter on their own anyways.

Of course, the strength to overcome resistance meant nothing when no one was trying to resist.

'_They don't seem concerned at all... did they simply not understand the threat, or are they so confident they see no need to run, or even prepare themselves? Perhaps we needed more people after all, if just for the image of an oncoming army to spur them in to action...'_

"That good for nothing pervert, ANOTHER fiancee, honestly!"

Inumuta turned to see the girl who had been yelling at the pigtailed teen earlier stomping down the hall in the direction of the entrance.

"And then he gets in another fight with Ryoga! That jerk, who does he think he-"

The technologically inclined boy stepped in front of her, stopping the girl in her tracks.

"...Hey, you're one of those people that was on the wall a minute ago, aren't you?" the girl thought aloud. Inumuta was about to respond when she spoke again. "That girl who was talking earlier, is she really engaged to Ranma?" she asked tersely.

What WAS all this talk about engagements and fiancees about?

"...Not to my knowledge, no." Inumuta replied honestly. "However, that is not my concern. Prepare yourself," he added as he whipped out his laptop and began to analyze the girl's form.

"Prepare for what?"

He could have smacked himself at the cloud of obliviousness that seemed to permeate this place. "As Lady Satsuki said, we are here to conquer this school. Given your previous actions," the image of a flying desk flashed through Inumuta's mind, "I'm reasonably sure you are going to be one of the resisters. Therefore, prepare yourself."

"Oh, so you want a fight, huh? Alright..." the girl said with a hint of indignation as she moved in to a basic Kempo stance. "I'll prove that I can take care of myself! I'm NOT gonna let myself get kidnapped again!"

Inumuta squinted at the girl over the top of his glasses.

What a strange school this was.

* * *

AN: I was originally going to write this whole thing first and upload it all at once, but then I figured that would take forever and I didn't particularly feel like waiting until November to upload this. So, here you are. Have it.

...and no, I have no idea why I decided to make this either. But I'm having a lot of fun, so let's just go with it.


	2. Talking to Themselves

"Where did everyone _go_?" Nonon griped as she moved through the hallways. "This is boring. And way too quiet..."

She missed her entourage. She missed her _music_. She had no trumpets, no drums, not even a goddamn mp3 player with her. All she _did _have was deathly silence, empty classrooms, and the sound of her own voice. It was _unbearable_.

"Seriously, where the hell are all the students?! They were whole flocks of them hanging out the windows just a few minutes ago!" Nonon yelled at nothing in particular.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know!"

The pink haired girl turned around to see what appeared to be an elementary school girl in a yellow dress, twirling happily in circles as she spun towards the oftentimes caustic conductor.

Weird, but not enough so for Nonon to really bother questioning it. That wasn't what she was here for.

"Yeah? Where are they then, squirt?" she grumpily asked as the kid stopped spinning directly in front of her, and in exchange began to totter on her feet from dizziness.

The little girl's cheeks puffed out, though she still wasn't able to stand up straight. "I'm not a squirt! I'm as tall as you are!"

Nonon grimaced. Unfortunately, the grade schooler was right. Her growth spurt was taking forever to get here.

"Shut up, brat. Do you know where everyone is, or not? I wanna get this over with."

"...Will you give me some ice cream if I tell you?" the child asked cutely, finally having recovered from her self induced spell of dizziness.

"No. I'm not going to give you ice cream. Why would I give you anything?" Nonon replied flatly, getting rather annoyed. Why was this kid even here?

Said kid crossed her arms and frowned, probably in an attempt to look intimidating. "Hmmph! I'll have you know I am a teacher! And I want ice cream!"

"Right. Like I care." Unless this school was truly so stupid as to hire a little kid for their staff, Nonon found it unlikely that she was telling the truth about the first part, and saw no reason to humor her.

The cheeks of the girl in the yellow dress puffed up again, this time to a near comical extent. "Even if you are from another school, students who do not treat teachers with respect are delinquents!" she yelled/whined, fishing out what looked to be a fifty yen piece from somewhere on her person.

"Whatever brat, if you aren't gonna help me then get lost. Go buy your own ice cream." Nonon said before starting to walk off.

"HAPPOGOJUEN-"

A nearby part of the wall exploded, cutting off a yell of something unintelligible from the annoying little girl. The Non-Athletic Committee Chair was momentarily surprised, and turned back around to see what had caused the sudden small scale demolition.

Through the newly created "door" stepped a girl with long, purplish-blue hair wearing some sort of Chinese minidress, a look of intent determination on her face. In one hand she held what appeared to be a platter of food, and in the other, what looked to the resident conductor like a giant beach ball on the end of a stick.

Looking around, the new arrival quickly spotted the girl Nonon had just been talking too.

"You! You is Small Teacher, yes? Why students not in room? Shampoo need give Ranma her special lunch before it get cold!" she asked, gesturing with the beach ball stick.

Nonon continued to watch the proceedings with mild interest as the little girl, who apparently really WAS a teacher if the stacked new girl had any clue what she was talking about, simply continued to hold up her piece of coinage for some reason. "Students who destroy school property are also delinquents! You must be punished as well!"

The Chinese clothed girl smiled innocently. "But Shampoo not student, so is okay, yes? Now where-"

"HAPPOGOJUENSATSU!"

* * *

Satsuki frowned. As she had suspected would be the case, Gamagori was making almost no headway in taking on the two clashing martial artists, who seemed to be treating him more as an obstacle/springboard than an actual opponent. At current they were literally dueling on his shoulders, using him as some sort of makeshift platform despite all attempts by the massive man to throw them off.

She'd already seen enough to gauge the pair's skill levels, and this was quickly becoming a farce. It was time to intervene.

"**Gamagori!**" Satsuki barked as she jumped from the wall, landing in a crouch before quickly rising to a more dignified looking position and beginning to walk towards her subordinate.

The Disciplinary Committee Chair instantly ceased all attempts to shake the fighting pair of teens off of his shoulders and stood at attention to receive new orders, which made for a rather ridiculous sight, as the pair on top of him did not appear to be planning on stopping any time soon.

"That is enough. I will fight the one in red. You shall face the other." Satsuki instructed. "Now, stand firm!"

"Yes, Lady Satsuki!" Gamagori bellowed, saluting before crossing his arms and setting his stance in a way that dug his heels deep in to the ground. At the same time, Satsuki closed her eyes and refined her inner focus even further than usual...

And a moment later, she released it.

"**HAAAAUUUU!**"

A wave of concentrated chi swept over the area in front of Satsuki, blowing the two fighters off the Disciplinary Chair's shoulders while he himself tried to not be swept away. The yellow one smacked in to a tree, somehow managing to knock it over in the process before dropping out of sight, while the red one hit the side of the school building feet first and rebounded off of it, landing in a crouch back on the ground. Satsuki strode toward the latter, emitting a nigh-on-tangible force of will that would likely have been capable of knocking aside a battleship.

He had best not disappoint her.

* * *

"Geez, what was that...?" Ranma muttered as he stood up and dusted himself off. He had been fighting Ryoga, and then the girl who had been standing on the wall had-

"You seem not to understand the gravity of your situation."

Ranma looked up to see the woman who had just attacked him imperiously walking towards him, stopping a few yards away and staring the pigtailed boy down in a rather _distinct_ manner- a manner that seemed to indicate she viewed him with about the same amount of respect one would usually reserve for the remains of a particularly repulsive bug they had found on the bottom of their shoe.

"Hey, come on, I thought you were lookin' for Ryoga. Whatever you want, it ain't got nothin' to do with me." Ranma asserted as he quickly analyzed the long haired girl he now faced. Whether he liked it or not, this was probably going to lead to a fight for some reason- it wasn't hard to tell given the way she was looking at him- so he needed to be prepared. Although the energy she was giving off hadn't manifested in to any sort of battle aura yet, he could tell it was potent all the same, and it felt like it was based entirely on sheer willpower. That alone was cause enough for concern.

Ranma thought he saw a flicker of confusion flash across the older teen's face at his words before it hardened once again.

"Your friend is being dealt with as we speak." the woman (whose name Ranma hadn't caught) spoke to him, still in that imperial, rather militaristic tone. "And you must be dealt with as well."

She raised the sheath at her side, opening it just the slightest fraction to reveal a shining glint of black steel. "Now we shall see if in the wake of a hurricane, you fight and persist to its end, or crumble to dust like a leaf in its tempest."

Ranma still wanted no part of this, no matter the fact that she had basically just challenged him. "Look lady, I really ain't got any interest in fighting-"

"Your opinion means _nothing_ to me." the black haired woman cut in, allowing him no chance to protest. "Nor does your choice. If you do not fight with all the strength of the animal, backed in to a corner by its deadliest predator..."

Suddenly her blade was no longer covered. Ranma had barely been able to track its movements- to unsheath it, she had swung it in a horizontal arc-

The gender cursed martial artist dived frantically to the ground as an enormous wave of pressure blasted the entire north side of the school's lowest floor, sending chunks of plaster and window glass flying in every direction.

"...then you shall **fall**, **JUST AS ALL COWARDS DO!**"

All of a sudden the woman was standing directly above Ranma's splayed out body, her sword raised above her head and a glare on her face that would have brought lesser humans to their knees on the spot. She could have impaled him then and there had Ranma not quickly flipped off the ground and back handsprung away, putting some much needed distance between himself and the all-too-clearly dangerous girl.

Ranma sighed in relief at escaping the close call as the girl resheathed her sword, still continuing to glare at him intently. She did not move, appearing to be waiting for him to do something- which was a pretty stupid move in Ranma's opinion, but he was happy for the moment to collect his thoughts all the same.

_'Don't look like I'm gonna be able to get out of this one... an' in that case...'_

...Okay, he could do this. Sure she'd just done... that, and the raw _will_ she was exuding was certainly nothing to sneeze at, but he'd beaten _Herb_ and _Saffron_, not to mention countless others. There was no way she could be the worst thing he'd faced thus far.

"Fine, guess you ain't givin' me much choice." the pigtailed boy called out, resignation quickly turning to determination as he moved in to a fighting stance. "May as well make it official then. I'm Saotome Ranma of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts- and I accept your challenge."

The girl smiled thinly as her brow narrowed, focusing fully in on him.

And then abruptly, she blasted out of her position, rushing forth with all the force and speed of a meteor impact.

"**Then prove to me your worth, Saotome Ranma!**" she cried out as the boy in question moved to meet her charge...

* * *

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!"

"MEN!DOU!KOTE!MEN!DOU!KOTE!"

The swords of the two kendo captains flashed out at speeds too fast for the eye- or rather, most eyes, to follow. A quick exchange ended with Kuno being smacked multiple times in two of the three areas and staggering back, yet keeping his grip on his sword and looking little worse for wear. Sanageyama had not yet taken any hits (and found it unlikely he was _going_ too), but was getting rather tired all the same.

The three star student was pleasantly surprised by the other teen's skill. He'd honestly sort of expected the kendoist to be mostly bravado, but it turned out Kuno did in fact have some bite to his bark. He was nearly as fast with his bokken as Sanageyama himself, which in and of itself wouldn't have been anything particularly special- however, his sword appeared to be able to to send waves of cutting pressure from its tip, something like what Lady Satsuki herself could do, but on a much smaller scale. Still, although small, the speed at which Kuno was able to send the waves out made them downright deadly, and he had destroyed several trees in the clearing already. This had been forcing the Athletic Committee Chair to parry often while dodging as widely as possible, giving him less time to attack and allowing Kuno a lot of breathing room.

The pair clashed again, and this time Sanageyama only managed to smash Kuno on the chin and body once each before being forced away by another whirlwind barrage of strikes.

If the self proclaimed "All Seeing Sword" had to pick out one key thing he found wrong with the other boy's style, it was that he made no moves to dodge any attack he could not parry. But to be fair, he didn't seem to _need_ to. Although he was quite easy to hit, Kuno had not yet dropped from any of the head, body, _or_ wrist strikes Sanageyama had landed, and he had landed a lot. Granted, he was holding back, but his shinai had actually tremored as if about to _break_ the first time he had landed an overhand strike on Kuno's skull- it was as if his head was simply exceptionally hard for some reason. Sanageyama had since changed to using thrusts to the temples.

The Athletic Committee Chair ran right as another storm of pressure waves pelted the area he had just been in, jumping and bounding off a tree to strike Kuno three times in succession once more before parrying his opponent's blade and moving back.

Activating his Blade Regalia was an option, but Sanageyama was pretty sure this didn't qualify as being severe enough of a situation to really warrant its use. In fact, the situation itself held very little actual danger- Sanageyama himself probably didn't need to dodge if he didn't want too, as even his untransformed uniform would be able to protect him from near anything Kuno could dish out. But being hit at all would practically be a defeat in and of itself- if his Tengantsu wasn't reliable enough to use on a student who wasn't even using a Goku Uniform, he may as well go and ask Lady Satsuki to strip him of his uniform and rank on the spot.

The next trade of blows ended with Kuno being struck in the forehead six consecutive times, yet still not going down. Sanageyama began to wonder if he was holding himself in check a little TOO much. Should he be using his full force on someone not even wearing a Goku Uniform?

...probably not. Oh well. If he wanted to let Kuno showcase any of his skills, Sanageyama needed to keep him on his feet for a while longer anyways, lest he knock the other boy unconscious and have Lady Satsuki think he'd forgotten the entire point of this mission. So the current arrangement worked out just fine- it wasn't like he wouldn't still win in the end. He wouldn't let another kendoist show him up just because he was fighting with a self-imposed handicap after all.

The two swordsmen tensed for another exchange, and closed in to attack-

"ALOOOOOOOOO-HAAAAAA!"

Both fighters were forced to suddenly cut off their attacks as a dark skinned man, wearing Hawaiian tourist clothing and had what seemed to be a miniature palm tree growing out of his head, crashed from above directly in to the middle of their duel.

"Eyyyy, Little Tatchi, why you not in de classroom right now?" the bizarrely dressed man asked, turning towards Kuno while strumming a ukelele.

* * *

Gosunkugi walked, zombielike, through the halls of Furinkan.

He had been left behind. Of course he had. So concerned were they at leaving that no one would even explain what was going on when he came back from the bathroom. Heck, they probably hadn't even _noticed_ him.

But then, when was that ever NOT the case...?

The pale boy sighed to himself. Why oh why had he not just followed the flow of the crowd? Now everyone was gone, and he had no idea how to find them.

After wandering around the school for a while, the gaunt boy at last heard some noise coming from a classroom. He peered in through the cracked door- from what he could see, it appeared Nabiki Tendo had set up some sort of gambling ring based around... something that was going on outside the window, apparently.

Thank goodness, at least now he could ask-

Sounds of fighting reached Gosunkugi's ears from around the corner to the next hallway. There was a crash, and the sound of a male voice saying something he couldn't quite make out from this distance.

Being the frail stick of a person that he was, Gosunkugi would normally have never even considered walking _towards_ a fight. His motto was "If it can't see you, it can't hurt you," which was quite easy to accomplish for someone as unnoticeable as him so long as he didn't walk directly in to something. And so, he wisely did his best to ignore the noise, and began to open the door to ask where the rest of the students had gone.

"STAND STILL ALREADY!"

...one of the sole exceptions to this motto was when one of the fighters happened to be his one true love, Tendo Akane.

Having heard that last bit loud and clear, Gosunkugi sprinted as fast as his noodly legs could carry him to the end of the hall, before slowly, carefully, _stealthily_ poking his head around the corner.

A boy wearing an extremely strange white uniform, with what looked to be blue cables coming out of the wrists and neck, was fighting Akane in the middle of the hall. The Tendo girl appeared to be getting quite frustrated, probably because although the walls and floor had several craters in them, her opponent did not appear to be damaged in the slightest.

For some reason, there was also a laptop computer sitting on the floor near Gosunkugi's spying spot, proudly touting how out of place it was in the virtually untouched section of the hallway.

"Hmm. Is this truly all you are capable of?" the male of the pair inquired from behind his extremely tall collar, avoiding another straightforward punch from his equally straightforward opponent.

"Not even close! I'm just getting warmed- ERK-!"

The lighter blue haired teen had landed a knife hand in Akane's solar plexus, knocking the wind out of her lungs and driving her stumbling back, coughing, in to one of the empty classrooms.

"I didn't even need to analyze you. Your attacks are so predictable that it was nothing but a waste of computer power." he said, sounding simultaneously disappointed and annoyed. "A shame, but this appears to have been a pointless use of my time. I overestimated you."

The oddly dressed teen began to stroll in no great hurry towards the laptop, while a trembling Gosunkugi whipped his head back around the corner so as not to be seen and tried to not start hyperventilating.

_'Oh no, I can't hide here! He's going to see me!'_

"*Cough*... I'm not done yet..."

The sound of footsteps stopped and reversed direction, prompting the hidden boy to peek his head out by just a fraction once more. Akane stood in the doorway she had just recently fallen back through, breathing heavily but still quite willing to fight.

"I'll grant that you have stamina, but nothing you've shown me thus far, nor that I was able to analyze earlier, indicates that continuing would be a worthwhile use of my time." the blue haired boy stated, cold logic and a sense of utter boredom in his tone. "I need data on opponents who are actually worth fighting, I'm afraid."

"Oh, **_SHUT UP_**! " Akane shouted, an angry red battle aura beginning to boil around her. "I'LL SHOW **YOU** WHO'S NOT WORTH FIGHTING!"

"Hmm, that's unexpected." the boy murmured, putting his hand to where his chin (were it not covered by six inches of fabric) would normally be and examining the bubbling red energy that now surrounded the girl. "Very well then. Show me something I could not have forseen."

The battle was joined once more, but despite the impressive battle aura engulfing Akane's figure, she still could not seem to hit her wiry opponent. Each time she attacked he would dodge away, right before striking her in one or two extremely disabling spots. After a few more exchanges of blows, Akane was only just barely standing up.

_'If this keeps up, Akane is going to lose!'_ the Gosunkugi thought frantically to himself as he pressed his body even closer against the wall. _'I have to do something to help her!'_

Now, any rational person of Gosunkugi's short stature, rail thin body, and complete lack of strength in virtually every possible regard would go get someone who they thought might actually be able to fight Inumuta- say, Ukyo. Perhaps he could have found and brought her back in time to keep the former computer hacker from at least completely beating the stuffing out of Akane, and even if the short tempered girl surely would have been angry that she'd been saved by a rival, Gosunkugi could have been proud of the fact that he had at least saved his goddess from her vicious attacker; that he had helped in some small way.

But this was Nerima, a ward not exactly known for its resident's heaping amounts of rationality. In fact, the area barely had a shred of it to go around.

And so, instead of doing any of that, the aspirant Vodouist whipped a hatamaki out of absolutely nowhere, and began tying it on...

* * *

It was a less than average day at Furinkan High.

"Hey, this new chick is pretty good, dontcha think?"

"Yeah, but Ranma's probably not fighting her at full strength since she's a girl, so I don't think we can say for sure who's going to win yet... unless you meant..."

"Her looks? Ohhh yeah, she is _hot_. But then, when have Saotome's fiancees ever NOT been hot?"

"Kodachi. Nice body, but her personality..."

"I thought she was only a self-proclaimed one?"

"Yeah, she is. Forget that though, we're talking about this Kiryuin girl."

"Did anyone else notice her eyebrows though? I can see them from here..."

This conversation was coming from a group of boys (which just so happened to include both Daisuke and Hiroshi), who were watching the fighting going on below with ever-increasing interest. The majority of the students were currently on the roof of the building, having been shepherded to safer ground by those faculty that actually had some small speck of sense. Most of the staff (barring the principal) had recently agreed on a general rule to follow during the school's all too frequent emergencies- that being you either get yourself and your students to higher ground so you don't get caught in the crossfire, or you join in (this addendum applied virtually only to Hinako). Thus, pretty much the only students who were still in the main building were the ones who had headed to Nabiki's classroom to play the gambling corner, and those who had drifted down a floor when the roof became too packed to comfortably accommodate them.

Many of the students who had remained on the roof were huddled near the north side of it, straining to get a better look through the fences at the action going on below. And naturally, just because the resident mercenary wasn't on the roof with them didn't mean there wasn't gambling going on.

"Hey, bet you 500 yen that the new fiancee wins."

"Sure. Same amount on the humongous guy beating Ryoga."

"Sounds good."

Ukyo, who was sitting close to the group (judging by their comments, they seemed to have forgotten she was there), decided to take it up a notch.

"10000 yen on Ranma."

The group collectively started at that.

"Woah, Ukyo, upping the ante a bit much there aren't ya?" asked Daisuke.

"No- Ranchan is never going to lose to that girl. And she's NOT a new fiancee!" Ukyo retorted.

Her grip absently slid to the enormous spatula strapped to her back and tightened around its familiar metallic shaft. '_At least, she'd better_ _not be..._'

Aside from Ukyo, who slightly broke the pattern, the miniature conclaves that had formed were shockingly well organized- the boys interested in watching had taken one corner of the roof, while the girls who were similarly interested had claimed the other. Those who were uninterested in the fighting were either talking, eating, or catching up on homework in the back, while the faculty had taken to this opportunity as a well deserved break, and were either watching with the students or trying to relax, hoping the fight wouldn't somehow stray up here and that the construction workers would be able to fix the first floor windows by the end of today. Someone had broken out a water cooler filled with ice cold drinks- why they had that with them at school was anyone's guess- and was selling them for 150 yen a pop.

Really, the entire affair was like Furinkan's version of a sports event.

One of the watching girls suddenly let out a squeal.

"Hey, is that Kuno fighting the hot guy with the green hair?!"

"Really? Move over!"

"Don't PUSH! We're on a roof!"

"But there are fences!"

"I can't see, the trees are in the way..."

"Awww, did we miss it?"

"No, I think they just stopped because- hey, that's Principal Kuno!"

"I'll bet you 1000 yen that the hot guy beats both of them!"

"You're on!"

...it was a perfectly average day at Furinkan High.

* * *

AN: Yep, it's a Ranma romp, and that means characters practically dropping out of the freaking SKY just to make things more difficult on everyone involved. Or make things just plain silly. That too.

It took a while to get Satsuki's dialogue just right- tell me how I did on that please, if you care to review. :)


	3. Aggression and Delusion

The fallen tree rolled off to the side as Ryoga easily pushed it off of him, growling through his teeth at whatever sort of ki attack that girl had just hit him with and hoping he was still somewhere on the school premises. If he'd been flung outside of them, he wouldn't find his way back for at least a week.

The lost boy stood up stewing in a cocktail of unhealthy thoughts, the majority of which centered around (what else?) his ever loathsome rival, Saotome Ranma. This was all his fault! Him and that girl's, and since she was almost definitely another fiancee (so said Ryoga's foolproof train of logic), her even being here was also probably Ranma's fault! How many times was he going to break Akane's heart by getting himself engaged to another woman?! It was despicable! A lowlife like him didn't even deserve a person like Akane!

Ryoga stopped dead before he could take a single step forward- which was probably a good thing, since he was headed in the wrong direction. A thought had just occurred to him, perhaps due to his recent arboreal collision. Come to think of it, if his rival got married to someone else, then wouldn't...?

_'Yes, that's it!'_ the lost boy thought to himself excitedly. He would make sure Ranma got together with this new girl, and with Akane freed from that wretch, maybe he could finally work up the courage to make his own move! It was perfect- well, Ranma might end up happy with the arrangement, but that was overall a minor detail, so long as he was out of the picture and paid for all Ryoga's suffering at some point in the future. It would mean putting off their current fight as well, but he needed to act now, before he got lost again.

And so, pulling what was colloquially known as a "Kuno" around those parts, Ryoga managed to conveniently forget about Akari for the moment (as well as the fact that he had already tried this sort of thing before) and rushed off to enact his newest plan to woo his one, _true_ love.

-**TUNK**-

...and ran smack dab in to the vast expanse of muscle that was Gamagori's chest.

For a moment, neither one moved. Seconds ticked past as Ryoga's nigh-indestrucible skull (and face) remained firmly planted in Gamagori's equally impregnable abdomen.

Inevitably, Ryoga drew back first, gasping for air. Gamagori, who had marched over while Ryoga had still been using a tree for a blanket, was in turn the first to speak.

"This conquest is running on a schedule, so I suggest we begin again as soon as possible." the Disciplinary Committee Chair spoke with his hands behind his back, keeping it to a more normal volume than before.

Ryoga shook his head and stared, only now really taking in just what he was looking at. The blond-haired boy... no, definitely man was dressed in a white outfit whose central feature was a black, cross-like star, splayed across the chest area and adorned with some smaller spikes on either end. Actually, "spiky" was a pretty good word to describe the entire outfit, as metal ones adorned the man's shoes, partially-imposing but mostly-ridiculous looking gauntlets, and even his shoulders... one side of which was looking a bit bent at the moment.

Ryoga squinted at that. He _did _recall that the surface he had been fighting Ranma on just now had felt a bit prickly...

"Did you hear me? We must begin immediately." the larger male said in a strict, firm tone.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Begin what?" Ryoga asked, clueless.

The mammoth-sized man let out a sigh. "It is Lady Satsuki's wish that I fight and subdue you as part of this operation. Did you not even **notice** my previous actions?"

"Well... sorta?" Ryoga said while putting a hand behind his head, embarrassed. He hadn't actually been paying much attention earlier, so fixated on Ranma had he been, and had only half-consciously noted the presence of the other person who'd been involved. Of course, now that he was actually looking, the ever wandering martial artist wasn't sure how he had managed to miss the rather _unique_ characteristics of the... student? he now faced.

...wait, hadn't this guy been larger a few minutes ago?

Deciding he had to be remembering wrong, Ryoga shrugged and decided to try reason. He didn't have time for this. "Er, if you're challenging me, can we do this some other time? I kind of need to-"

"**NO!**" Gamagori bellowed, returning to a level of noise one might use to try and communicate with a deaf person and putting on an utterly _terrifyingly_ expression. "THIS CANNOT BE DELAYED! DISCIPLINE **MUST** BE UPHELD AT HOUNNOUJI ACADEMY, AND WITHOUT LADY SATSUKI AND THE ELITE FOUR PRESENT, THE CHANCES OF FLAGRANT RULE VIOLATION GROW HIGHER BY THE MINUTE! STUDENTS MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO BELIEVE THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH BREAKING THE SCHOOL CODE OF CONDUCT, EVEN FOR THE FEW HOURS WE ARE NOT THERE TO ENFORCE IT!"

Unfortunately, Ryoga was only getting about a quarter of this, as he was too busy clutching his ears to truly comprehend anything the disciplinarian was saying. Before he even could process what was happening, the other male was suddenly towering over him, practically as tall as the tree Ryoga had smashed in to earlier.

"TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! WE WILL FINISH THIS **NOW**!"

A fist of thoroughly ridiculous size came flying towards Ryoga, which he instinctively blocked with an open palm- and was unexpectedly forced to use the majority of his arm strength to hold it back. The lost boy's heels dug small trenches in to the dirt as the ground refused to hold him in position. What the-?!

Ryoga leaped backwards to escape an overhead smash from Gamagori's other hand, which shook the nearby ground and sent even more dirt flying up and away from it. The Disciplinary Chair's face remained as serious as ever as the ground cratered beneath his fist and Ryoga stood in minor shock. This guy was nearly as strong as he was! Large or not, that wasn't normal...!

"YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS MATTER! ** I _WILL NOT_ DISAPPOINT LADY SATSUKI!**" Gamagori boomed as he stood back up, looking every bit the part of the drill sergeant he usually acted as- plus or minus a couple meters in height.

Ryoga grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes at his very insistent opponent.

_'Looks like I have no choice...'  
_

Gamagori slowly began to approach Ryoga once more, his shadow looming ever further as the lost boy growled and pulled a few bandanas off his head...

* * *

Sanageyama stared at the incredibly bizarre scene unfolding before him.

"Tatchi, you know De Big Kahuna have ta punish de rulebreakers, ya? You no' allowed ta be skippin' de classes jus' because I de principal!"

Kuno scowled and raised his blade once more. "It is primarily **because** of you that I am not in class at this moment, you depraved scoundrel of a father!"

Sanageyama snorted under his breath as he watched the proceedings. _This_ was Kuno's father, who also just so happened to be the principal?

...now he felt sorry for the poor guy. The things he must have gone through...

"Awww, com' on Tatchi, all you need do is get de buzz cut! Den we be a happy family again with Lil 'Dachi!"

"_Never_! I refuse to allow you to come anywhere _near_ my locks! You still do not realize the depths at which I suffered the last time you made a mockery of my hair, and if you continue this recent trend of ambushing me in front of my classroom each and every morning, I will be forced to take more drastic measures than simply avoiding you! Now STOP calling me that!" Kuno shouted in an extended tirade of defiance.

The elder Kuno, however, was no longer listening, having turned on his selective hearing and moved to examine Sanageyama, who stared back warily.

"Oh? And who might _dis_ new brudda be?" the principal asked, studying the green haired kendo captain intently. "Maybe ah' new transfa' student?"

"Yeah, no." Sanageama shot back flippantly, ready to get back to the duel. "Mind moving? We were in the middle of-"

"Well WELCOM' to Furinkan keiki!" the principal yelled in his usual bombastic manner, completely ignoring the new "student". "I be de Big Kahuna of dis here school! We gon' have some BIIIIG time fun now!"

"Oy Old Man, I just said-"

"In fact, we go an' file yo' paypawok right now, but befo' dat..."

A pineapple was unexpectedly thrust in to Sanageyama's hands. He stared down at it, extremely confused. What-?

**-!SSSSSSHHHHBOOOOOOM!-**

A manic grin flashed across the Hawaiian Nutjob's face as he leapt through the smoke created by the explosion towards the surely stunned "transfer student", clippers pulled from his pockets in hand.

"WE JUS' GOTTA GIVE YOU DE BUZZ-!"

A bamboo blade found its home in the face of the man who had attempted to bring his clipping shears near Sanageyama's head, blowing him backwards off his feet and away from the now-quite-annoyed Athletic Committee Chair.

"_Thanks_, but I happen to like my hair as it is." Sanageyama grunted with an irritated frown, not actually having been hurt by the blast due to his uniform, but still quite blackened and sooty.

It was then that the smoke cleared, and the kendo master realized he had hit the Hawaiian-obsessed man with all his strength, which had launched him backwards in to his son with enough speed and power to knock them both unconscious.

"...aw, damnit."

* * *

The eyebrows of a certain rather short drum major rose considerably, her interest finally becoming truly piqued as tendrils of _something_ in the air suddenly began flowing from the wall-smashing girl to the third grader, which the former could not seem to escape from, having been caught off guard.

_'Now this is intriguing..._' Nonon thought to herself, settling back on her heels to watch the show.

Whatever it was, it was certainly effective. Beach ball girl was struggling, but her movements were quickly slowing down. Nonon figured the girl would drop within another ten seconds or so at this rate.

However, as the universe is occasionally wont to drop on people without warning, something unexpected happened.

"SHAMPOO!"

A white blur rocketed through the hole in the wall, colliding with beach ball girl and throwing her out of the net of... whatever it was. The blur, which resolved itself in to a boy with very long black hair and coke bottle glasses, stopped moving as he hit the web of tendrils and became trapped in the girl's place.

The now-freed girl stood up from where she'd fallen, shaking herself off before turning to the progressively-more-zombiesque boy, looking very annoyed.

"Stupid Mousse! Shampoo no need you to save her! Now the lunch Shampoo make for Ranma ruined!" she snapped, gesturing to the broken platter and spilled food a few feet away.

The boy's expression turned from hopeful to crestfallen, which had nothing to do with the fact that he had just fallen to knees, unable to stand any longer.

"But... Shampoo..."

The drained husk of the boy raised one clawing hand upwards before he collapsed on the floor, going limp.

The spectating conductor smirked slightly in amusement at the scene- it was like watching some sort of sappy teen-love movie parody- before raising her hands up flat and looking at each of them in turn, weighing her options. On one hand, the little girl was strong, and Satsuki-chan would definitely be pleased to have someone who could do that on her side. On the other hand, did she _really_ want to work with someone no older than-

Wait.

Nonon blinked and rubbed her eyes- nope, still there. Standing in place of the once-little girl was a very clearly _mature_ woman, if the fact that her body was now straining against the dress she was wearing was anything to go by.

What the...?

"Hmm. He saved you from being fully drained." the now-woman spoke in a far deeper, more sultry tone than she had before. "That was quite noble. But I'm afraid I can't allow him to take for himself the punishment your delinquency requires I administer. **Happogojuensatsu!**"

This time, her opponent was not ensnared, leaping over the tendrils to land behind the woman and smashing down with her beach ball stick, which the former child only barely avoided due to not exactly being dressed for ease of movement.

"You and Mousse make Shampoo drop special lunch for Ranma! Shampoo make you pay!"

The older woman rapidly turned and held her coin aloft once more, while her opponent brought up her mace-

Seeing as how they had apparently completely forgotten about her for the moment, Nonon took to ignoring the pair until she could figure out how to proceed.

Well, setting aside the weird instant puberty (and then some) thing, they both seemed capable enough fighters. The amazing insta-grow teacher had taken out whoever the hell that other guy had been in no time, and Beach Ball Girl's stick was apparently some sort of weapon, plus she was still standing even after getting hit by the same thing random guy had. So, it was probably safe to say they were prospects that she should be "testing". Nonon wasn't exactly sure how she felt about possibly inducting a new member in to their inner circle, but it was what Satsuki-chan wanted, and if they could help her best friend's plan come to fruition, she'd gladly welcome... hmm, well, at least tolerate either of the two people fighting further down the hall.

Though, if they kept this up, they'd take each other out before the three star student could even give them her "exam"- and as fun as that might be to watch, the pink haired girl thought she'd been a spectator for long enough. It was time for the real show to start.

* * *

Off in a perspective switch, a Chinese amazon and an age-fluxing teacher continued to do battle.

If it could even be called that at the moment.

Sweat dripped from Shampoo's brow as she stared down her opponent, none too happy with this current turn of events. Her chui, positioned all of five feet above the schoolteacher's head, could be dropped at any time- but the coin held the same distance away from her face could be used equally freely. Neither she nor her opponent had moved for the past minute or so, unsure which of them was faster. Neither of the two had _talked_ either, as any attempt to do so would likely be seen as calling an attack, and would end the impromptu Mexican Standoff.

And so they stood, unmoving.

Mousse gave a little twitch from where he'd fallen.

_Riveting_.

This little scene was thankfully interrupted as a high pitched whistle filled the hallway, causing both combatants to involuntarily stiffen. Shampoo quickly attempted to seize the opportunity and took a swing at the schoolteacher, but unfortunately for the amazon, her opponent had taken advantage of the distraction as well- not to attack, but to step back towards the wall and out of the Chinese girl's attack range.

Now that the imminent threat was gone, Shampoo looked over towards the source of the incessant noise, which turned out to be the girl whose presence she had been ignoring her up until now, blowing loudly in to a flute and wearing a pleased expression. Shampoo had vaguely noted she was there after breaking through the wall and paid her no further attention, but such an intentionally piercing screech was near impossible to simply brush off.

"Such a dry opening performance! I can't watch anymore!" the pink haired girl said in a mockingly disapproving tone, stowing the flute in her hat and twirling a baton between her fingertips. "So let's move on! I think it's time for the main event!"

Shampoo squinted at her. "What Hat Girl talking about?"

The girl in question scowled and stomped her foot petulantly. "Hey, watch the name, Beach Ball! It's Nonon, Jakuzure Nonon! Non-Athletic Club Committee Chair of Hounnouji Academy!"

The amazon remained unmoved. Was that supposed to MEAN something to her?

"I must ask you to stay away." the currently 20-something year old teacher requested, one eye still on Shampoo. "While you still deserve to be punished, upon further reflection perhaps draining you is too harsh for simply being rude. But now is not the time for such things. Please leave."

Shampoo was less polite. "Hat Girl be quiet, Shampoo busy!"

"Hat Girl" smirked- and the Shampoo immediately grew much more wary. It was a knowing smirk, like that of someone who knew something that-

"NO ONE tells the conductor to be quiet, Beach Ball!" the girl returned scornfully, a malicious looking smile flashing across her face. "Prepare to beaten merrily, musically, and immediately, **_BITCH!_**"

Shampoo would have retorted with something equally rude, but was suddenly blinded as the girl's clothing dissolved in to dazzling pink light...

* * *

Akane panted, so incredibly tired and bruised that she felt she may well collapse at any second. Her battle aura was starting to die down, even her anger too exhausted to keep it up very high.

She couldn't hit him. If she could just lay a single punch on this guy she KNEW she would knock him out flat, but he wouldn't stop dodging! It was like fighting Ranma, except this guy actually hit back! If her stupid fiancee had just FOUGHT her when she'd asked, maybe she would have some idea how to-

The youngest Tendo shook her head, trying to shake off the thought. Wishing for things that hadn't happened wasn't going to help her now. Her opponent was still just as fresh as he was at the start of this fight, and she was about ready to drop to the floor- a floor absolutely covered with cracks, craters, and fissures from her own missed attacks, which only drove in how badly matched her style was to his.

"Even with this energy field enhancing your movements, you are doing nothing but delay me. If you insist on continuing, I'll stop holding back." the boy stated succinctly, apathy perfectly evident in his voice.

Akane growled, pain racing through her jaw at the action. Even as beat up as she was, she couldn't help the rising indignation. On top of being the worst possible kind of opponent for her to fight, he was _holding back_?! He wasn't even taking her seriously?!

If she hadn't already been on her second wind, this new information may have given rise to enough fury that she could continue. But as things were, she couldn't manage that. She'd just endured two pummelings in a row, and the guy apparently wasn't even giving it his all- the best she could do right now was remain standing and try to catch a breather.

Damnit, why was it that ever since Ranma showed up, every new arrival in town was somehow stronger than her?! She used to be one of the best martial artists in the area! Was she really going to lose to-

"W-wait!"

The short haired girl looked over towards the cry, not sure what she was expecting, but perhaps hoping for some sort of help- she certainly wasn't so proud that she'd turn it down by this point. This was how she came to bear witness to the bizarre sight of a boy with dark bags under his eyes and lit candles strapped to his head, holding aloft a small wooden hammer and a rather long nail. His skin was so pale he could be mistaken for a walking cadaver, and body was trembling like he'd just been dunked in ice water- which indicated he probably wasn't going to be of any help.

Wait, didn't she know this guy? Yeah, she recognized him from class, and they'd talked a few times a while back- what was his name, Go... Go, something or other...?

"L-Leave her alone!" the quivering boy proclaimed somewhat shakily, obvious incredibly unsure of what he was doing. "I w-won't let you hurt Akane anymore! Fight me instead!"

Unfortunately for him, Akane failed to truly process his brave declaration, largely due to being too caught up in trying to remember the boy's name. In fact, the Tendo girl was so distracted that she also hadn't noticed her opponent's reaction to the new arrival- he was staring wide eyed at the floor, where the corpse-like student's feet were only a few inches away from a certain object.

The analytic boy's demeanor changed from bored to menacing so rapidly it was as if a switch had been flipped.

"_**IF YOU SO MUCH AS TOUCH MY LAP****TOP, YOU**** DIE.**__** DO NOT-**_"

The Information and Strategy Committee Chair (not that anyone in the hallway besides himself knew that title) involuntarily let out a strangled cry. Gosunkugi, startled by the unexpectedly loud, threatening tone of the person he'd come to face, had scrambled backwards in a panic... and of course, the back of the clumsy Vodouist's foot had caught on the computer, and he had fallen right over top of it.

Akane would have taken this chance distraction to try and attack the blue haired boy- and maybe break those stupid tinted glasses in the process for all he'd just put her through- but before she could so much as blink, her opponent was at the end of the hall, throwing her "savior" off the small machine and cradling the computer like it was his child. So fast-!

She didn't have much time to contemplate his true (or in actuality, panic-driven) speed, as the stick-thin boy who was apparently trying to help her had been thrown in Akane's direction. The short tempered girl was only barely able to catch him despite his lightness, she was so sore from fighting. Great, now she was going to have to possibly protect this guy too. Could this situation get any worse...?

Her question was answered as her recent tormenter turned around, pure rage in his eyes. The part of his jacket that had been hiding his face was now unzipped, baring to Akane the furious snarl he currently wore.

"_**You have provided very little new data, pointlessly delayed me, and now caused my laptop to be  scuffed.**_" her formerly calm, collected opponent sneered through his teeth. "_**My patience has run**_** out.**"

And it was with those words that a shining blue light filled the hallway.

* * *

Ranma grit his teeth as he dodged another strike by a hair's width and lashed out with a kick, only to be blocked by what had to be the toughest sword case in existence, considering how many times it had been hit/kicked and still not broken. The pigtailed martial artist used it as a springboard to backflip away again, escaping his opponent's range to begin silently planning his next move.

This was ridiculous. He hadn't exactly thought this would be _easy_, but the militaristic girl was barely even using the blade of her sword, for some reason choosing to instead use the scabbard and hilt. Yet she wielded them to such effect that it may as well have not mattered.

After her initial charge and clash, the girl had not moved much, instead choosing to stand her ground and wait to attack until Ranma closed in. She fought precisely, economically, only moving when absolutely necessary, but making every one of those movements count. Every time he closed in he was quickly forced back, her attacks too exactly placed to be dodged easily while still in close. Ranma's initial attempts to get behind her and end this quickly with a chop to the neck had both almost ended with a sword sheath in his gut. Her situational awareness was obviously honed to a needlepoint, and though he had come close, all Ranma had been able to land so far were a few glancing blows, which didn't seem to be slowing her down all that much.

The woman's _eyes_ were also incredibly unnerving. Every time Ranma looked at his opponent too closely, he came face to face with a glaring pair of orbs that weren't just watching his every move, but silently _judging _him, as if trying to pierce through his skin in to his very soul. It was a lot like his pops used to do while they were training, but so, _so _ much worse. Ranma had been explicitly avoiding her gaze for that very reason.

All in all, it was very much like fighting Kuno, plus some additional tricks and a much better defense, and minus the obvious, glaring weaknesses. Which unfortunately made her far more formidable than Ranma would've have liked considering her closest comparison was Stick Boy.

Steeling himself, Ranma closed in quickly and made a sweep for her legs, which the swordswoman countered by immediately attempting to ram her sheath in to his pelvis. Ranma smiled as he abandoned the sweep and made to grab the sword cover away, but his opponent quickly opened it to the point he was about to grab, showcasing the shining black blade beneath and forcing him to give up that idea as well, lest he slice his own hand open. Not that it mattered, as the grab turned in to an open handed palm strike aimed at the head- which was somehow ducked under in time for the girl to make a diagonal slash upwards with the once again closed sword sheath, forcing him to back off for the umpteenth time.

Ranma shook his head in annoyance. The good news was, he was fast enough to avoid most everything she had shown thus far, with only basic martial arts for that matter. Besides that ki wave thing she had done earlier, which thankfully she didn't seem to feel like repeating, she hadn't hit him even once- but that still left them at a stalemate. Which posed a problem, in that he didn't want to pull out any of his larger moves until the need for surprise was absolutely necessary, but if he didn't then this might go on forever. For once Ranma actually found himself wishing he had started this battle in his female form. The strength decrease would have been worth the speed boost in this case, as it wouldn't be nearly this hard to get some attacks in if he didn't have to focus on dodging so much.

"...**FOOL!**" the girl abruptly yelled as he zig-zagged in for another attack. Ranma's eyes widened as she suddenly _moved_, he had gotten too used to her standing still-!

The pigtailed boy's momentum was too great to allow him to dodge completely. Before he could readjust to the shift of tactics, the girl's _K__ami forsaken sheath_ buried itself deep within his stomach, sending him flying upwards in a perfect vertical line.

"IF YOU THINK TO FIGHT WITHOUT THE TOTALITY OF YOUR ABILITY, THEN YOU SHALL LEARN WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A WORM! YOU WILL QUIVER BENEATH OUR HEELS AS WE STRIDE HEEDLESSLY OVERHEAD, FOREVER OUT OF YOUR PITIFUL REACH!" the swordswoman thundered as she readied her sheath once more, poised to strike and strike hard when Ranma inevitably came back down.

Flying high in to the air, Ranma did his best to shake off the blow to his stomach and looked down, gaining a nice bird's eye view of everything.

Hmm, this was kind of nice, actually. There was Ryoga, fighting Jumbo, and both Kunos, lying tied up in the trees nearest the school building... most of the student body, watching him from the roof... a camera flash- that was probably one of Nabiki's crew... and his opponent, pooling energy in her sword sheath directly below him.

Okay, she had obviously been holding back. But hey, so had he. And the pigtailed martial artist had no intention of allowing himself to be hit again.

...maybe it was time to kick this up a notch.

"ALRIGHT LADY, YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Ranma called down as he straightened himself and began to fall from the sky, directly back down towards his opponent. "MOKO TAKABISHA REVISED! DESCENDING PANTHER'S GLORY!"

Ki pooled around Ranma's feet before igniting in a visibly golden aura, burning below him and giving the martial artist the appearance of a falling star. He kicked his toes out and smirked, trying to up his confidence as much as possible before he hit.

The woman smirked as well, looking pleased for perhaps a fraction of a second, and struck upwards with her sheath.

Two considerable sources of chi/ki met and reacted.

**!-TSSSSSHHHHOOOOOOOMMMMM-!**

* * *

AN: Trying to keep the notes for this story relatively short, so I'll endeavor to be brief.

First, a fun fact- originally Mousse was going to participate in a three/four way brawl between Nonon, Hinako, and Shampoo, the latter being aided by himself. Then I decided this would be funnier, so here we are.

If you were wondering, Hinako in child form didn't quite understand (or possibly even listen to) the whole "conquer" thing, hence her lack of stance on that with Nonon. Besides, aside from entering the hallways and being rude, what has Nonon done? Nothing... up until just now, anyways.

I don't bash characters. Akane is losing because although she's headstrong and stubborn enough to keep trying to win, she doesn't have the skill to beat Inumuta, Mr. analyze and dodge himself, in a head on fight. I also don't glorify characters- Gosunkugi is helping because he's in love with Akane, pure and simple. Doesn't mean that his motives of getting with her and basically _killing_ Ranma are any less deluded than they are in canon. Same applies to everyone else. Just getting that out of the way right now.

Finally, Gamagori is exaggerating a bit. It's not like there isn't a disciplinary squad/group still at the school to keep the students in check... he's just not there to head them at the moment. But one **_NEVER_ ENTRUSTS A JOB AS SERIOUS AS UPHOLDING THE RULES TO OTHERS FOR ANY LONGER THAN IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!**

Any other questions you can either ask about in a review or PM me about- I likely had an answer to it already written down here before deleting it for the sake of not forcing you to read a bunch of extra commentary.

Next chapter, even more chaos! Shocking, right?


	4. Poor Impulse Control

Elsewhere in the city, an unspeakable evil stirred, its higher senses alerting it to the presence of some sort of ki ripple in the nearby vicinity.

"Hmm, now, what could that be?" it wondered aloud, before letting loose a short cackle as it pinpointed where the pulse to its senses had come from. "Furinkan, eh...? Well, now it's my DUTY to investigate! Don't you worry pretty ladies, I'm coming to save you! HOTCHA!"

Grinning lecherously to itself, the thing jumped on to a nearby roof and began heading in the direction of the energy it had sensed- conveniently missing the angry mob that descended upon the area seconds later.

Said mob quickly dispersed when something far more terrifying in appearance came barreling through the vicinity, also in pursuit of "it".

* * *

Genma and Soun were sitting on the Tendo household's patio playing (read: rampantly cheating at) shogi, when a wave of ki splashed over their senses like a giant wet towel to the face.

There was a pause.

"...Perfectly fine day, eh Tendo?"

"Yes, yes, indeed."

And the two went back to their game.

...how utterly predictable.

* * *

Fast forwarding a little, over at Ucchan's Konatsu was sending Tsubasa (currently dressed as a table, complete with plates and decorative flower vase) flying out of the restaurant, acting under Ukyo's orders to keep all items that were not always present in the cafe OUT of her place of business. A few seconds later, Tsubasa could be witnessed arcing over the nearby neighborhoods, by all appearances quite enjoying his pleasantly lengthy hang time. One has to wonder if the guaranteed free ride was the entire reason he bothered showing up, seeing as how he knew perfectly well that Ukyo was at school for the day.

But that is neither here nor there, and not terribly important. Moving on.

* * *

Maomolin the bakeneko stirred in his...

...Okay, wait, why the HELL are we looking at this guy? He's nowhere near any current events right now, nor is he even REMOTELY relevant!

Can we please stop flip flopping around and get back to the **SCHOOL**?!

* * *

"Woah, that's a new one!"

"Yeah, impressive."

"Do you think Ranma makes this stuff up on the spot, or does he just make it LOOK that way?"

"Students, PLEASE tone it down a little..."

"Hey, look! Ryoga's back up and taking on the huge guy over on this side!"

"Who bet what on them again?"

"HAH! Hot guy beat both of 'em! I win, pay up!"

The chatter seemed to grow in volume to become a constant, irritating clamor in a certain teenage chef's ears as she stared down at what had become of the front yard of the school. The ground looked like a bomb had gone off where her Ranchan and the Kiryuin girl had clashed, and the surrounding vicinity indicated much the same thing. Now the second and third story windows of the front wall of the school were as broken as the first floor ones, littering the ground below with shattered glass.

Both combatants had been flung away from each other at the collision of energies, Ranma flipping end over end towards the school once again, and his opponent flying backwards over the ground. Ukyo had cheered at that for all of half a second before the girl turned her uncontrolled flight in to a momentum-draining crouch by slamming her scabbard in to the ground mid-tumble, digging it deep enough to bleed off much of her speed and creating a narrow trench leading away from the crater they had made. Unfortunately, due to the near vertical angle, Ukyo couldn't actually see Ranma or if he was okay at the moment. But she _could_ see the long haired girl he'd hit getting back to her feet, not looking terribly injured.

Noticing her breathing was becoming faster, Ukyo tried to calm herself. Ranma had taken on lots of foes this dangerous, right?

...hadn't he?

And that was the droplet of thought that broke the mental dam.

"I don't care if it is a formal challenge! I'm not gonna let that girl kill Ranchan!" Ukyo suddenly shouted, rocketing out of her seated position and startling everyone around her.

She simply couldn't take this anymore. Having not been present for Ranma's more extreme escapades, AKA Incident One, "Herb and the Mountain Kablooey", Incident Two, "China Bird Fun", to a lesser extent Incident 1.5, "How to Fix the World's Biggest Backache", not to mention the Orochi, Taro, Ryu Kumon... honestly, Ukyo had missed out on a quite a lot. Thus, this was seeming more and more from her point of view to be one of the most dangerous battles Ranma had ever been in. Ryoga when he had the Ultimate Shi Shi Hokodan, and perhaps Happosai during the one time he had bothered to fight Ranma seriously- those were about the only fights the chef could think of that even came close to this. And she was not going to just sit around and let her fiancee possibly die, "formality" be damned.

The nearby group of boys watched as Ukyo threw open the door to the roof and pelted down the stairs, desperate to get to the fight going on below.

"...hey, wait, so is our bet with her still on?"

"I dunno man, we didn't say anything about her helping."

"Do we win by default then, or is she taking advantage of a loophole?"

"Well, uh..."

* * *

Sanageyama paused and looked over his shoulder as a loud BOOM- or perhaps it was actually a TSHOOM- shook the foundations of the school he was currently walking through the halls of, breaking most of the nearby windows.

Then he turned back around and ignored it completely. It might have been Jakuzure, might have been Gamagori, it might even have been Lady Satsuki- it didn't really matter, since he wasn't there.

The kendoist had left his fellow practitioner and his father where they'd fallen- after all that, they probably wouldn't be getting up for a while. If they were resilient enough to recover that quickly anyways, it wasn't as if they were likely to be going anywhere else, since he'd also tied them up. Sanageyama figured he'd drag them over to Lady Satsuki later- for now, he still had a mission to complete. Conquering a school didn't go about happening on its own after all.

Though, considering he'd just taken out its headmaster, perhaps they already technically had...?

...Nah, best not to assume.

The Athletic Committee Chair frowned while he strode through the empty second floor hallway, replaying the recent fight in his mind. The smoke from that pineapple bomb, not to mention the explosion itself, had gotten right in his eyes. If he hadn't looked away and closed them immediately, even with his uniform they could have been seriously damaged. But what concerned him was that during that small portion of time, he hadn't been able to see anything... and that was a weakness he hadn't even thought about up until now. If the palm tree headed guy hadn't basically screamed out his position, he might actually have been hit- or worse, _shaved_.

In fact, now that Sanageyama thought about it, there were an awful lot of things that could block sight during combat, and in those sort of situations his Tengantsu would be useless. That was a problem. Maybe he needed to-

"Out of my way!"

Sanageyama blinked. A girl (at least, he was fairly certain it was a girl if his eyes were analyzing the creases in her gakuran correctly) had just come barreling around the corner of the hall, and was now running right for him with what looked to be a giant...

...Was that a spatula?

Before he had time to ponder the oddity all that long, the girl rushed forward and swiped at him with the broad side of her oversized... weapon? Sanageyama was pretty sure it was a weapon. Regardless, it was easily blocked by driving the end of his shinai in to the center of it, stopping its forward momentum entirely. The unusual tool's wielder jumped back and holstered her main weapon, before pulling several, more normal sized spatulas from a bandoleer she had strapped around- okay, they had some WEIRD fighting styles around here.

A small storm of (apparently sharpened) spatulas came flying at the kendoist before being swiftly knocked off course by a length of bamboo.

"Oy, I know you're one of that girl's cronies, but I don't have time to fight you! Move it!" the unknown girl yelled, apparently quite frantic to get past him for some reason.

Sanageyama raised an eyebrow at that, a touch annoyed. _She_ had initiated combat, not him. Sure, he probably would have had to detain her anyways seeing as how she was a possible Honnouji Academy candidate (at least, going by that... _unique_ fighting style), but he might not have even known that if she hadn't just attacked him, so she could have gone by without incident.

Oh well. Take the opportunities presented to you and all that.

"Nah, think I'll stick around." Sanageyama responded, smirking and twirling his sword around his fingers before readjusting his grip on it. "Got a job to do, and I kinda like fighting, if ya' get my drift."

"Figures..." the girl muttered, discretely sticking her hand in to a pouch to search for something. Sanageyama decided to let her, in the interest of fairness.

"So, I take it you know what happens now." he commented, grinning. "Gonna give me a name before you try using whatever it is you're looking for?"

"Sure." the girl replied, smiling as well. "It's Kuonji Ukyo, JACKASS!"

A packet of some sort was thrown to the floor, and that was the last thing Sanageyama saw before the hallway exploded in a cloud of white.

* * *

Akane and Gosunkugi stared in shock as a blinding transformation took place. The windows of the corridor all shattered in tandem just as the blue light surrounding their opponent flared outward, further driving in the dramatic nature of the scene.

All three of them managed to miss the real reason the windows had broken. To the two who weren't currently in the middle of a transformation sequence, it seemed to have happened solely to hammer in just how bad things were looking for them right now. The other one managed to miss it entirely, and would later be left to wonder exactly when and why the windows had unanimously decided to vacate their positions.

When the light cleared, the same sky blue-haired boy as before stood before the two Furinkan students, except now he was clad in an outfit that was bizarre even by Neriman standards. It was mainly black in color, with glowing green keyboards adorning the upper legs, as well as both sections of each arm. The middle section was partially see through, exposing about 80-90% of the wearer's upper body, aside from what was hidden by what appeared to be a symbol created by merging three four-pointed stars- much like the ones Akane had noted on the neck of her opponent's former outfit, in fact. The hips were covered by some sort of bizarre circular scanner things, while wires extended from and led back to various points on the same limb they originated on. This culminated in a series of smaller wires which covered the shoulder, neck, and chin area, and fed directly in to a V shaped visor that now covered the boy's eyes in lieu of his previous blue-tinted glasses.

The primary visual effect was that overall, the student council member looked very much like he had stepped straight out of Tron.

...That, or some sort of virtual-world based erotica novel. It really depended on one's perspective.

"Three Star Goku Uniform, **Probe Regalia**." the wearer of said outfit commented off hand. "I hardly need this to deal with either of you, but it should lessen the effort required."

His primary opponent responded by staring in part-shock, part-wonder, and part-disbelief. The other one had finally realized just who he was being held by, and was currently experiencing critical brain failure from simultaneous bliss and fear at the situation.

_'I've been fighting a MAGICAL BOY?' _Akane privately wondered, no longer sure if she was dreaming or not.

The boy in question gave a knowing smile at his opponent's apparent stupefaction.

"Data is all I care about, and your delaying me nearly led to the possible destruction of much of what I've acquired up to this point. As it is, the casing has been damaged- and you both will be PAYING for that."

Akane's eyes widened as her opponent set his laptop (still cradled under his arm up until now) back down, before proceeding to completely fade from sight.

Apparently, her opponent could turn invisible. _Lovely_. As if he hadn't been impossible to hit before...

Gosunkugi- whose name Akane had finally managed to remember- was currently even more useless than usual, lost in his love/terror induced stupor. Akane gently laid him on the floor- she really needed her arms free right now.

The laptop. The laptop was his weak point. If she could get to it and hold it hostage, she'd have won. Maybe not in terms of straight up martial arts, but that jerk would be forced to surrender if it was threatened, assuming he really cared about that thing as much as he said he did. And given his previous reaction, Akane definitely believed it.

Cautiously, the Tendo girl took a couple of pained steps towards the miniature computer. She needed to be on guard, an attack would almost certainly be coming any moment now. The martial artist could imagine her imperceptible opponent standing right behind her, or in front of her, or- well, anywhere, really...

...not that he seemed to be stopping her. Or even making an effort to do so, really.

"...hold on, did he leave?" Akane quietly wondered aloud.

A palm thrust to the chin, harder than anything that had come before it, quickly dispelled her of that notion as the unseen attack sent her sprawling. The tech-obsessed boy's voice spoke mockingly from directly in front of her previous position.

"You know, normally, I would. I've wasted too much time as it is. But you and that boy nearly cost me my computer, and perhaps I'm feeling a bit vindictive because of that. So!"

Akane struggled back to her feet as an unseen hand held up the pale boy she'd left lying on the floor by the collar of his uniform.

"Now, what to do about you?" the same disembodied voice spoke to the trembling student, who had snapped out of his mini-coma only to find himself seemingly being held up by the air. "You're a practically defenseless opponent- and I use the term loosely- but you DID nearly break my laptop, and it's not as if there isn't precedent for such things at Honnouji Aca-"

But before the statement could be finished, Akane stumbled over and lashed out at the air in front of the "floating" boy. She felt her fist graze something- it was only a glancing blow, but the invisible teen seemed to let go at the mere touch anyways, dropping Gosunkugi bonelessly to the floor once more.

Akane grinned at the small victory, until again the voice sounded from nowhere.

"Hmm. Here I figured you to be too injured and exhausted to even keep trying, especially after my last attack. I suppose if there's one thing I can say about you, it's that you're persistent, even in the most pointless of endeavors."

Akane could practically feel the smugness being exuded from somewhere nearby.

"JUST COME OUT AND FIGHT ME **FAIRLY** YOU PERVERT!" Akane screamed in frustration.

The mocking voice returned an answer far more calmly, directly in her ear. "No need to scream, I'm right here."

An invisible foot buried itself in Akane's stomach, doubling her over.

"Also- pervert? Really? I know this outfit is skintight, but it covers me fully. My strategy requires minimum movement encumbrance, and you can't even see me right now anyways. Very rude."

Akane coughed and rose to her feet once more, every inch a struggle by this point. For some reason, no further attacks came- maybe it was because her attacker was too busy fixating on the "pervert" descriptor that she'd just given him, but to Akane it felt more like he had paused simply because he enjoyed _toying_ with her. He was _deliberately_ drawing things out now, as if just to watch and see how many times she'd get back up, wasn't he?!

The voice the Tendo girl had so quickly come to loathe echoed from seemingly everywhere within the corridor.

"You know, even if I was stupid enough to actually reveal myself as you suggested, you _surely_ have realized by this point that I can dodge any attack you make, with or without this uniform activated. But if you actually somehow haven't, then by all means, keep trying! I'm sure you'll get me eventually!"

The infuriating laughter that followed rang in Akane's ears until she once again was seeing red. She NEEDED to be figure out where he was-!

The martial artist's eyes desperately scanned the vicinity, but all she could see was a ruined hallway. There was no sign of her opponent's presence- no slight displacement of air, no sound of footsteps on the cracked and cratered floor...

The floor...

A crazy idea began to form.

Akane reached her right hand behind her back, preparing to grab a certain object in a few moments while keeping it hidden behind her back. Her opponent seemed to be in no rush to reveal his position again just yet- this was just the chance she needed...

Quickly grabbing a chunk of rubble from the floor with her left hand, Akane tossed it towards the computer lying in the corner.

"NO!"

The air seemed to distort and catch the small piece of debris, long before it closed the distance to the laptop.

Of course, actually hitting the piece of tech hadn't been the point. Akane just needed her opponent to be far enough away for a moment that he couldn't stop her next move.

"**HOW DARE YO-**"

Akane wasn't listening.

"HEY KEYBOARD CLOD! DODGE **THIS**!" she screamed over top the furious words.

And with that, she grabbed Gosunkugi's limp body, and drove an oversized mallet directly in to the floor.

* * *

Nabiki had known when she started hearing sounds of combat coming from not too far outside the room that they would probably have to abandon the classroom at some point. When all the windows blew in from the force of Ranma's attack colliding with the Kiryuin girl's, she took that as the obvious sign it was and figured that point was now. This place had only made a good temporary base of operations because it was close enough to the action to see almost everything, but far enough away that no one would get hit. Or at least, that was the idea, because apparently it wasn't quite far enough after all.

"Okay people, time to pack up and move out." Nabiki called over the dull roar of most of the school's gambling crowd, who were mostly oblivious to everything but what was going on outside the windows.

"Aww, how come?" someone immediately complained as they drew their head back inside.

"Yeah, this place has a great view, why can't we stay here?"

The mercenary girl held up a finger. **"**Consider the fact that the windows all the way up to this floor just shattered, and I think you'll find the answer all on your own."**  
**

Despite the snark, Nabiki's actual point was sound- the battle was getting heated enough that they weren't safe where they were anymore. The school in general probably wasn't safe, honestly. They had gotten off lucky just now, as by virtue of being open, the room they were in now owned the only set of non-shattered third floor windows on the front of the school- but who knew how long that sort of luck would last?

Naturally, that still wasn't enough for some of the more stubborn students.

"Oh come on, this school was built and repaired by Neriman contractors! We're safer here than anywhere else!"

"Right, what do we have to worry abou-"

**!-!-CRAAAAASSSSSH-!-!**

The entire room cried out in surprise as a loud crash, accompanied by its own miniature tremor, resounded from somewhere INSIDE the school- and from very close by, at that.

"...How about now?" Nabiki deadpanned in the following silence.

There was a resounding clamor of agreement as people immediately began filing out of the room.

* * *

The Anything Goes Martial Artist locally known as "Ranma" was currently hiding inside a classroom, running various battle scenarios against the military lady through his head.

When their ki had met, it had practically _detonated_, flinging both of them away at an angle. This just so happened to launch Ranma directly through a broken second floor window, unintentionally forcing a use of the Saotome Secret Technique: Fast Break- which worked fine, since he needed to plan his next move carefully.

He knew he could beat this girl, but he would need to be careful if he wanted to avoid getting injured any further. That will-enforced ki of hers had given her sheath so much power that his stomach hurt more than if Ryoga had gone a few rounds with it. So what did he know so far?

Well, she had proved herself to be fast enough to block his normal attacks, and was skilled with using both her blade and its casing. Presumably she wasn't actually trying to kill him, or that extremely sharp sword would be seeing more use- either that, or she was reserving it until the fight reached a certain level, much like he had been doing with his own attacks. Also, she could use ki, and while she wasn't on his or Ryoga's level in terms of actual capacity, the fact that she was drawing it out and channeling it through sheer force of determination and will more than made up for it. However, she didn't seem terribly attack resistant, so far as he could tell, so she probably didn't do much physical training without her sword. If only he was fast enough to _capitalize_ on that, or get her sword and sheath away from her...

Wait, he was in the school now! There was probably a bathroom or water fountain around here somewhe-

"**Saotome!**"

Ranma put his thought process on hold at hearing his opponent's voice, and stealthily peeked out one of the room's broken windows- she had recovered well. Incredibly well, in fact. She looked to be a bit roughed up, but not too badly injured, and now she was simply standing and... staring directly at him. Damn it.

"I had not taken you to be one to turn and run before a battle's end!" his opponent called out to him. "Regardless, hiding will not avail you! You could not flee even if you hastened to the very ends of Earth! Will you choose to face your fate here and now, or wait until it inevitably ensnares your trembling back?"

She was obviously goading him, but it still set Ranma's teeth on edge. It wasn't as if he'd come up here deliberately, and running away was a perfectly viable tactic as long as it was only temporary!

The martial artist took a moment to think up a couple choice words to shoot back in return, but by the time he opened his mouth the girl had started talking again. "I would think the answer to be obvious, but if you cannot make up your mind then it seems I will have to force your hand."

Oh, that couldn't be good.

Ranma's danger sense went off just in time for him to leap away from the window as the room's outward facing wall suddenly gained huge slashes on all four of its sides, effectively cutting a large rectangular chunk of the building away from the rest of it. The wall slowly began to lean forward, before falling entirely off the rest of the building and smashing in to the ground below, leaving Ranma completely exposed in the now five sided room. The woman below was glaring intently at him, her once-again unsheathed sword the obvious culprit of the recent wall vivisection.

Great. He was a sitting duck if he remained where he was, and his opponent was only going to get angrier if he ran further in to go get water- at this rate she could bring the entire school down on his head. Which would hurt, but more importantly, everyone was still on TOP of the school, not to even mention how much more property damage would be caused (which the principal would probably blame on him, and then demand his pigtail in compensation).

Choosing to try and put off further unscheduled school demolition for a while, Ranma jumped down and cautiously began to walk back towards his opponent.

"I trust you are prepared to continue now?" the woman he faced asked calmly as he approached, greatly contrasting with the severe look in her eyes.

Instead of responding to her question (which had been rhetorical anyways), Ranma chose to speak his mind.

"I hope ya' realize there are people on top of the school, right?" he asked, a dangerous glint in his eyes warning that a wrong response would lead to some unpleasant places.

"I do indeed. Rest assured, I measured my attack to avoid compromising the building's structure further than necessary. I would prefer to avoid any casualties."

Well, at least she had respect enough for human life that she wasn't trying to kill anyone.

"Why exactly are ya' doin' this anyways?" Ranma asked, still not exactly sure why this was happening besides his life simply being full of things like this.

"If you did not understand before, then it is unimportant."

That seemed to mark the end of the conversation, as his opponent sprinted forward with her sheathed sword raised high.

Ranma sighed. He hadn't wanted to have to do this to a girl, at least not unless he was in girl form himself. It would have been a lot easier to pull off, not to mention much more effective.

Oh well. He'd just have to make do with the current circumstances.

Ranma darted in to meet the woman, boosting his speed slightly with ki and angling around the sheath that passed over his shoulder. This put him in the perfect position for what he planned to do.

"KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"

* * *

Satsuki suddenly found herself on the receiving end of a blazing storm of punches, thrown at a velocity her eyes could barely even follow. She quickly began to back away, only to be pursued just as quickly, forcing her to face the onslaught of fists. The Kiryuin girl managed to block around half of them, prioritizing her more vital areas, before realizing after a couple seconds that the best way to get out of this would be to strike back. Fast.

With no time to concentrate for a chi burst, Satsuki instead unsheathed Bakuzan and swung it horizontally towards Saotome's kneecaps. His eyes widened- he clearly hadn't been expecting to have to deal with the actual sword again right now, and was forced to execute a quick jump and cut off his attack to avoid having his legs sliced off- exactly as Satsuki had planned.

As the pressure wave created by the swing rent chunks of ground upwards directly behind her airborne opponent, Satsuki stepped forward and struck at his solar plexus with the sheath in her left hand, smiling sardonically as she saw him preparing to grab it (likely so he could push off of it to propel himself backwards and out of range) before it struck. Having figured he would attempt something like that, the militaristic girl quickly filled the sword case with her chi, forcing it past his hands and in to where she wanted it before letting the energy surge out of the tip, right as full impact was made.

Her opponent was blasted backwards at near sonic speeds, his back smashing in to the chunks of ground that had been uprooted a moment ago as he went. Eventually striking the ground itself, he rolled and dropped out of sight in to the crater they had so recently made. Satsuki gave a sigh of relief and resheathed Bakuzan- her gambit had worked.

Unfortunately, the damage was already done- she had just been beaten like a particularly serious drum. Saotome had been counting on her being too surprised to react appropriately for a few crucial seconds, much as she had done to him only a minute ago, and it had worked. She had been careless. Thankfully, he hadn't been aiming at her head, which had made blocking other vital points slightly easier- but she was still severely pummeled, especially around her shoulders and arms. Satsuki assumed this was to cripple her primary method of attack, which it would. No matter how well she could bite back pain, it would still slow her down. Given the speed Saotome had just shown, that was a problem.

He could have done that at any time, she was certain. Maybe he couldn't do it often- surely a barrage that quick would be exhausting for _anyone _to do more than occasionally- but he still could have done it whenever he wanted. He just hadn't felt the need too up until now. Satsuki smiled despite herself- truly, he was a formidable opponent.

The good news was, she was more durable than Saotome seemed to have expected, and so was still able to continue. The bad news was, not durable enough that she wouldn't be pained and noticeably slower when she did so. Satsuki had never needed life fiber enhanced clothing before, because she had been perfectly capable without them. The thought of being forced to wear those disgusting things was repulsive to her, even though she knew that in order to revolt against her mother, she would likely have to don her "wedding dress" one day. It was an inescapable truth- but until that time, she had sworn to forsake them, and had trained herself to a level where she could combat life fibers without relying on their strength.

But here was a warrior whose abilities seemingly came wholly from training, much like her own- his clothes were not enhanced in any way, so he was fighting entirely of his own power. His skill was at least on par with hers; probably higher, in fact, as he had clearly been holding back earlier. His chi attack had been impure, so fueled by emotion that it lost a fair amount of energy to light, but it had still been more than enough to match her own.

Satsuki could admit it. To win this fight, she might just need life fiber assistance after all- but at the moment, they were not an option. The demonic _thing_ that waited for her at Kiryuin Manor was many miles away, and she didn't exactly have a spare goku uniform on hand right now.

Well then. She'd just have to get creative.

* * *

Gamagori grunted with effort as he was forced back several steps by a punch with the force of a comet behind it.

This had been an... _interesting_ match thus far. The boy he was facing somehow contained even more raw strength than he did, without a goku uniform enhancing his attacks. How that was even possible, Gamagori was uncertain, but he very nearly shuddered to think of what the teen could do with one.

As he grabbed and halted yet another punch that would have blasted through a concrete wall (those were really starting to hurt his palms) before tossing its thrower backwards, the three star student quietly ruminated on how odd it was that people did not seem to announce their full names before fighting around this area. The lack of that practice was actually somewhat inconvenient- inconvenient in that the Disciplinary Committee Chair was having a hard time initiating any sort of mid battle conversation without knowing his opponent's last name. He certainly couldn't use the teen's first name- or at least, he was fairly sure 'Ryoga' was the rugged boy's first, not last name- and his opponent certainly wasn't taking the initiative, so the battle had been rather awkwardly silent for the last few minutes. Even the enormous wave of energy that had slammed over them from right nearby hadn't "broken the ice" at all, and the battle had just continued as if nothing had happened.

A flurry of hardened, razor sharp bandanas were smashed to the side by the enormous red whip Gamagori always carried on his person, which then lashed out towards the recently flying cloth's source. It carved small furrows in to the ground where the person he was fighting no longer was, as the rugged (/ragged) looking boy had quickly backed up at the sight of the long range weapon. He seemed to be growing angrier with every passing second.

Gamagori frowned, an expression his face was quite familiar with. Lady Satsuki was counting on him to test not just his opponent's strength, but also his resolve. If he backed down under intimidation, then he certainly wasn't fit to join their council or learn of what was going on all around them. But the Disciplinary Committee Chair was so used to talking like... well, a disciplinarian, that he was finding himself hard pressed to think of things to say that did not involve rule breaking or misconduct. And since they were only visiting this school, he had no actual authority here until the place was under their control, which only compounded the problem posed by the lack of a full/last name. Thus, Gamagori was having some major difficulties in making sure that the equally strong teen he faced would not surrender under both verbal and physical assault.

His opponent leaped back and whipped his belt off, somehow straightened it like a rod, and whipped it cleanly through the base of a tree. Before it could fall, the bandana clad boy wrapped his arms just above the cut and _lifted_ the entire thing over his head, primed to smash it down like the world's most impractical club.

Granted, his surrender wasn't exactly looking likely right now, but the point still stood.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" the infuriated boy screamed, unknowingly echoing someone else's sentiments from just a few moments ago as he swung the improvised bludgeon down.

Gamagori was not about to simply stand by and let himself get hit by a tree. Instead, he struck out with his whip, which wrapped around the top of the tree, and then snapped it back in such a way that the tree was pulled backwards to lean right over top its carrier.

Despite his strength, Gamagori's opponent proved unable to resist the sheer inertia of a tree now at a 45 degree angle to the ground, and fell- only to be crushed underneath his own "weapon" half a second later.

The Disciplinary Committee Chair stood and waited. Given the teen's remarkable resiliency, he likely wouldn't stay pinned for very long.

"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!"

The tree _exploded_ at its base, whereupon the teen who had just been squashed beneath it jumped out of the hole he'd just made, looking very little worse for wear and even angrier than before.

Gamagori sighed. As he had expected. This battle was going nowhere, on any front- perhaps it was time to simply outright ask.

"Your name."

The opposing teenager's near-tangible anger quieted slightly, replaced by confusion. "Huh?"

"What is your name?" the Disciplinary Committee Chair repeated.

"...Why do you care?"

"It's simply common courtesy."

"Courtesy?! You're attacking me for no reason and trying to prevent me from leaving!"

"I explained myself once already."

"Well I sure as hell didn't hear it then!"

"If what I've witnessed thus far has been any indication, that is because you are rather talented at ignoring people whenever it suits you."

That had been the wrong thing to say, as his conversation partner's anger was instantly reignited.

"GRAHHHHHHHH, JUST _MOVE_! SHI SHI HOKODAN!"

Gamagori braced himself and winced as he took the energy blast to the chest- he had seen and been hit by several already by this point- before shaking his head in dismay. Well, that hadn't worked.

More bandanas, this time thrown in a curving formation from both the left and the right, came spiraling towards him. Gamagori's whip flew through the air around him, acting as a barrier to knock the pieces of cloth away before heading for their thrower. However, this time the snaking red length was blocked by... an umbrella? But wasn't that thing only made of paper...?

The same umbrella was promptly thrown in to the air and began circling around towards Gamagori, slicing through yet another innocent tree on its way- right, that thing had made a sizable dent in the ground earlier. It was obviously NOT a normal umbrella.

The three star swiftly turned and grabbed the shaft of the bamboo implement out of the air, halting its progress towards his head, but throwing the disciplinarian completely off balance due to its enormous weight. How had this thing been airborne a moment ago?!

As he struggled with the incomprehensibly heavy-yet-apparently-light-enough-to-fly tool, Gamagori saw out of the corner of his eye that his opponent was charging, only a second away from being close enough to body slam him.

Clever- the umbrella had been a diversion. He wouldn't be able to block or dodge properly in time even if he let go now, as he wasn't properly positioned. The Disciplinary Committee Chair resigned himself to this and prepared as best he could for impact.

...and then a giant purple laser burst out of the side of the school, slamming right in to the charging boy's side and launching him sideways in an uncontrolled tumble.

Gamagori blinked.

* * *

-A few minutes ago-

"Three Star Goku Uniform,** Symphony Regalia Da Capo**!" Nonon crowed, finishing her transformation in a stance that would have been far more imposing had she been about a foot taller.

Not bothering to watch for her audience's reaction, Nonon looked down at herself, made a disgruntled face, and clicked her tongue in irritation. This was just another reason for her to hate going anywhere unaccompanied by her band and orchestra- without the instruments to form the tank of her uniform, she was stuck going straight to Da Capo form, which was just plain _wrong_. The encore was NOT supposed to be the main show.

Well, it would probably be enough for this anyways. But next time she was settling for no less than what a uniform titled "Symphony" should rightfully command.

Personal inspection over, Nonon looked towards her two opponents and found one to be vaguely puzzled, while the other just looked annoyed.

"Just because Hat Girl change clothing not mean she threat!" yelled Purple Hair, the irritated one.

"Do you intend to fight us?" asked Woman Child, the confused one.

The conductor rolled her eyes. Apparently, Beach Ball couldn't remember the name she had literally just given out all of a minute ago, and Vampire Coin still was having trouble grasping what was going on. She bet if she had her tank this would be going a bit differently...

"Heh, I'm sure you'll both get it soon enough!" Nonon announced, not truly directing it to either of the other two people in the hall. "Now, which one first..."

The three star looked back and forth from teenager to teacher before deciding that Purple Hair, as the more annoying one, took priority.

Smirking, she readied her hat. "Hey, bimbo with the beach balls, or whatever your name is- if you can understand me, you're up first."

The girl bristled. "Shampoo understand you just fine. If that was insult, know that Joketsuzoku women not take such things lightly!"

Now she was just spouting gibberish. Whatever.

"Yeah, I guess it was!" Nonon taunted with a wide grin, readjusting her hold on the thin white baton in her hand to grip it like a dagger. "Planning on doing something about it, Bimbo-chan?"

That did it. The purple haired girl lunged, clearly not expecting much out of her "opponent", but determined to get her back for the comments she'd just made.

Nonon dodged directly to the side, quickly turned towards the girl who'd suicidally made it so she couldn't dodge or even change course, and brought her hat to bear.

"Let's see if you're more well taught in music than you are at Japanese! I bet even you recognize this one!"

The sound of Beethoven's Symphony No. 5: "Fate" surged through the hallway as Purple Hair was sent flying backwards, bursting back-first through several walls and classrooms before finally being expelled from the school entirely.

Nonon grinned with near sadistic pleasure at that. Just because her opponent wasn't wearing Life Fiber clothing didn't mean an energy blast wasn't still an energy blast. The three star hadn't been planning on taking the girl out so quickly, but she'd made herself too perfect a target to resist. Honestly, who jumped to attack someone they knew nearly nothing about almost _literally_ head first?

"Well, that was quick! Guess she wasn't worth the trouble after all." the pink haired girl commented, closing her eyes in mock disappointment but continuing to smile. She took a second to relish the moment before spinning to face her next opponent.

"Now, as for yo-"

Something seemed to go wrong midway through her sentence, as Nonon felt the strength she had gained from transforming her uniform unexpectedly vanish.

She looked down- her outfit had gone back to its neutral state, and she hadn't deactivated it. Wait, how-?!

The conductor looked up in shock to find Woman Child staring back, looking equally surprised and holding her coin in front of her.

"How did you resist being drained?"

* * *

Shampoo wasn't certain of exactly what had occurred within the last ten seconds. One moment she'd been charging for the annoying, miniature-sized girl who'd just insulted her, the next she was flying bonelessly through the air, her world full of nothing but purple as she crashed through a bunch of hard objects. Also, some annoying orchestral piece had been playing for some reason, which was still ringing in her ears while she tried to get her bearings.

She looked down to figure out what uncomfortably heavy thing had fallen on her and found a certain tiger stripe covered head half buried between her breasts. The nose of this head was staining Shampoo's top with blood even as she processed the situation.

Muffled babbling from within the crevice of her chest quickly ensued.

"Uh-uhm-mm, I-I didn't, d-didn't mean to- I mean I-"

"STUPID PIG BOY! GET OFF SHAMPOO!" the amazon yelled, all but throwing him off of her person as she tried to stand up.

She had been blasted outside the school, apparently. Those hard things she'd been crashing through must have been the walls, and then Pig Boy himself. The Joketsuzoku warrior's legs weren't working as well as they should have, but at least she could walk. What kind of attack had that girl HIT her with?

Shampoo grimaced- the effect had probably been compounded by crashing in to Pig Boy, whose body was practically harder than steel thanks to the Bakusai Tenketsu training. She was still fuming that her Great Grandmother wouldn't teach her that yet for some reason. She had more than enough concentra-

A blur of red and black flashing from beyond the treeline broke her train of thought. She could hear a yell of pain accompanying it.

"Ranma!"

Shampoo was filled with new purpose as she ran towards the fighting she could see from between the trees, completely forgetting about her quarrel with the pink haired one. Her beloved needed her help!

* * *

The Disciplinary Committee Chair stared as girl who'd come rocketing out of the broken wall ran away, and then back at his now-downed opponent. Blood was still leaking from his nostrils.

..._what_ had just happened?

* * *

AN: **Long** author's note ahead, dealing with several common questions/complaints/comments I've gotten. I wanted to avoid this for this story, but this has apparently become necessary- to make up for it in advance, you got an extra long chapter (which I'm not entirely satisfied with, but hopefully you are). Please read this prior to sending in a review involving a complaint of some kind, **especially if you have not seen Kill la Kill. Seriously, please do not tell me if you think something is wrong with the KLK characters if you HAVE NOT SEEN THE SHOW.**

First, to everyone thinking/saying Ranma and co. should be stronger than this- I'm not going to stand up on a soapbox and claim I'm right/you're wrong, but has anyone else noticed Ranma character power levels are _realllllly _inconsistent? Like, extremely so. It's part of this whole thing where Rumiko Takahashi creates a sort of semi-balance of drama and humor- which, if you haven't noticed, is sort of what I'm trying to do here. Also, the Elite Four don't have to activate their uniforms to get some of the enhancement effect, as demonstrated in the _first four minutes of KLK_. In case that still leaves things unclear, how about I just say "power levels vary depending on what is most interesting while still remaining within the realm of recognition, and fight outcomes depend on the circumstances they take place in ANYWAYS". I don't care if Ranma moved so fast he turned "invisible" in the fight with Ryu Kumon, has he EVER displayed that skill again? Where the hell was that in his fights later on? Besides which, if I recall correctly, that was a result of him dampening his battle aura so he didn't alert the danger sense, not his literal _speed_. Ryoga also holds up a couple thousand tons of ice in the manga-martial arts ice skating arc, and then his strength levels proceed to subsequently waver all over the place later on (while still staying within the realms of "really strong"). So let's _please_ not argue semantics, they make the entire thing unpleasant. It's like listening to those people who won't stop talking about how "Goku would STOMP Superman" or vice versa. The argument never ends and no one walks away happy. Let's get back to having fun, please?

As for how everyone is acting around each other despite this being after the end of the manga- status quo is ALWAYS enforced in Ranma world. Ryoga has given up on Akane multiple times before, only to end up right back where he started. Ranma has had tender moments with Akane before where they've both tried to admit their feelings, only to end up right back where they started. The only thing to ever change in Nerima is its ever growing loon occupancy, not previous attitudes or relationships (unless they are added to in complexity). If you think that the end of the manga changes anything in that regard, as I know many people do (because continuation fics and a justification for a leap to drama are irresistible for many fanfic writers), we simply differ in opinion, I'm afraid. To me it seems inevitable that they'll slip right back in to old habits, because that is their collective nature, as well as that of the world that they live in.

Also, because EVERYONE (or rather, everyone who watched KLK) keeps asking about this, YES I will probably be doing either a continuation or sequel concerning KLK's plot, YES Ryuko will show up, and YES whatever happens at the end of this will come in to play. Thank you for your interest, I hope that you'll bear with me on this fic until we get there. :)

While I'm at it, some minor things:

The mallet. This is not Akane's signature _anything_, in case we've forgotten. Pretty much EVERYONE freaking uses the ability to pull mallets out of nowhere at least once, its just that Akane does it most often. If you can call it "often", considering that even for a running gag, it doesn't show up as much as people think it does. Please do not yell at me for giving Akane a legitimate reason to use it.

I'm fairly certain, after extensive research of the incidents mentioned, that Ukyo has surprisingly NOT been present for... pretty much any of the big, more serious encounters, by which I mean they have either serious risk of death or injury and/or a totally serious opponent. **Including** the ones the anime didn't make. Which I find odd, but maybe her fighting style was just too limited or silly seeming to bring her in to the more dramatic situations. If I'm wrong, please correct me- but in a PM, preferably.

If it wasn't clear, Gamagori and Ryoga are of roughly equal strength. Their attacks WILL hurt each other, and they both have quite a lot of endurance. Neither is truly outmatched by the other, as even Ryoga's Shi Shi Hokodan won't do that much to Gamagori unless it's at ultimate strength, which I don't see happening in this situation. Especially now.

Names are said in the Japanese manner because it just doesn't sound right to have the KLK crew say their own any other way, so the Ranma cast had to follow for consistency. That's all there is to say about that.

It's ki from a Ranma character's perspective, and chi from a KLK character's, as is stated in their respective series. Hence the constant switching.

And finally, on a more-or-less menial note, it amuses me that everyone, EVERYONE talks about Saffron being a "God" and Ranma defeating a "God", and yet everyone forgets about Rouge (the "backache" reference, for those wondering). Admittedly, Rouge was fighting both Ranma and Taro at the time, and it wasn't a fight to the death, but she was probably at least as dangerous as Saffron was, being explicitly a God/Demon (if only in cursed form) who, in addition to having a similar "fire tornado" attack to Saffron and Ranma's flaming Hiryu Shoten Ha battleground, could _blast lightning out of her hands_. But her battle wasn't treated as "seriously" as Saffron's (thus no one dies and the worst that happens is people get stunned/comically charred), her personality doesn't lend itself as well to the tyrant treatment, and her appearance didn't have any real long term consequences, so she's always forgotten. No love for that girl in the Ranma fandom...

Okay, viewpoint explanation and uber length author note done now. No worries, there shouldn't be any more of these. We now return to your regularly scheduled nutso-crossover.

(Well, not yet, but, you know, once the next chapter is out.)


	5. Suspicions Rise, Assumptions Made

In the shadows of the Furinkan High School courtyard, an extremely small woman balanced atop a length of wood quietly observed her surroundings. Of particular interest were the four extremely odd ki signatures spread throughout the area, which danced before her senses like flames come alive.

They were partially human, yet partially not. Further scrutiny revealed that two of them seemed... compressed, somehow, though they still stood out quite a bit compared to any normal person's. The other two signatures lacked this quality, and blazed like beacons before her, their energy shining like miniature suns. As she watched, one signature suddenly went from bright to dim in an instant, which raised an eyebrow- apparently something had not just forced the source of that ki back to "dormancy", but had weakened it to the point that it barely registered to her senses at all. All that was left was a mere flicker- as well as the now normal looking human aspect it had been overlapping with.

Cologne raised a wizened finger to her lips.

What _were_ these strange entities...?

She turned to her right to look at the girl in the altered military uniform, who seemed to be fighting her son-in-law for some reason. The girl's ki was not nearly as strange as the others, but was still was worth notice due to how tightly _controlled_ it was- its owner exhibited a jurisdiction over her own life energy that was very nearly on par with an elder's. She still didn't have anywhere near the reserves of one, but she clearly knew how to use what she had. Even as the observer watched her son-in-law surprise his opponent- with the very first move she had taught him, no less- the girl quickly disengaged by lashing out with a lethal strike she obviously didn't intend to actually make contact, setting up her next move in the same instant. She anticipated where and how her enemy would dodge, immediately saw through his defense strategy, and solved that problem in an instant, sending him flying backwards in the culmination of a deeply impressive tactical maneuver.

The amazon elder narrowed her eyes as a purple haired girl she just so happened to recognize emerged from the trees to the courtyard's left, running with notable stiffness towards the girl in white.

Foolish girl, always rushing in. No, that simply wouldn't do right now.

* * *

Shampoo was quite surprised when a flash of green and brown seemingly teleported in front of her, forcing her to grind to a halt.

"...Great-grandmother?"

The amazon girl shook her head in confusion, switching to Mandarin before continuing. "Why are you here? How did you know where I-"

"You've been out for an awfully long time for a single delivery, child."

Shampoo blushed. Okay, so she hadn't actually gotten _permission_ to deliver Ranma anything... but the herb was going to lose its effects if she didn't use it soon, and her great-grandmother hadn't been there at the time to ask, so... well, not that it mattered NOW, but...

"As for how I knew where you were, it didn't take long after coming back from the market to find that Mr. Part Time had abandoned his post as well. And as he only risks shirking his duties when Son-in-Law is involved..."

Shampoo's blush turned to a pout. Stupid Mousse...

"I had to close the cafe, you realize. A restaurant without half its staff can hardly stay functioning during the peak of lunch."

The younger amazon blanched. Oh. Oh, this was bad. This was VERY bad. A pay dock would probably be the least of her worries if the entire restaurant was out a day of profits. She might even be forced to-

Cologne sighed and held up a hand, cutting off Shampoo's visions of horror. "I suppose it's just as well. A wave of ki as large as the one that was emitted from here is a concern on any level, so I would have had to close up shop for the day regardless."

Her great-granddaughter began to give a great heaving sigh of relief, before catching herself and suppressing it to a quiet whisper. Cologne mentally snickered.

"Now, was the energy wave produced by that girl there, your wayward husband, or both?" she asked, gesturing to the woman in white and the crater (which the "husband" was currently making his way out of) in turn.

Pointing out the battle only made the Chinese girl remember why she had been heading that way to begin with.

"Aiyah! Great-grandmother, I have to help Airen!"

Shampoo didn't make it a foot before the neck of her outfit was tugged backwards, nearly causing her feet to slip out from under her. The amazon girl managed to recover in time and turned back around, unsure why she was being kept from assisting her love.

"No Xian Pu, we will sit back and observe. There is more to that girl and those I assume she brought with her than meets the eye, and it isn't hard to tell that you've been injured."

Cologne shook her head as her protege grew red with embarrassment. "I take it from the color you're turning that you lost. Who were you fighting?

"Some girl I'd never seen before, who barely comes up to my chest..." Shampoo murmured quietly. "She surprised me with some sort of energy attack, and I ended up outside..."

The elder Joketsuzoku nodded. "I see. Do not fear, child, I'm not angry." she continued, surprising Shampoo, who had been waiting for a verdict. "If you were fighting one of the people I'm observing right now, a loss was an acceptable outcome. Did you administer the Kiss of Death?"

Shampoo cursed under her breath and dropped her head in to her hands- she'd forgotten entirely. She'd really screwed up a lot in the past half hour or so... "No, I was... distracted. Apologies, Great-grandmother. As soon as the girl shows back up-"

"No."

Shampoo blinked. "No?" she repeated.

"I do not believe that would be wise in this situation, and I am glad you did not make a snap decision this time as you did the first time Son-in-Law defeated you. As the presiding Joketsuzoku elder, I give you exemption in this case."

...But she'd wanted to get revenge on that girl...

"As I said, we will have to wait and observe for now. There are far too many unknowns at the moment for us to safely involve ourselves, as I'm sure your injuries can attest too. Son-in-Law will be just fine without our help."

Shampoo didn't quite understand, but as it was both the will of an elder and an order from her great-grandmother, she had no choice but to comply. Retreating to the shadow cast by the school's small perimeter wall, she turned her attention back to the confrontation she was not being allowed to interfere with.

"Do your best, Ranma..." Shampoo whispered as she watched her husband reengage the girl in white.

Only a minute or so later, something in the sky heading towards the front of the school caught both amazon women's attention. Shampoo turned around and looked up, squinting at the object as it approached.

"Great-grandmother, is that...?"

* * *

Ukyo ran through the hallway towards the stairs, a grin crossing her face as she heard frustrated cursing following a good ways behind her. It was lucky that Kuno and that guy had been yelling at each other loudly enough to be heard even up on the roof, because that cockiness had given the teenage chef some easy insight in to the latter of the two's weakness. Since he had been bragging about how great his eyes were for the first half of the fight, Ukyo had taken an educated guess that he was much less effective without them, and decided to capitalize on that. A flour bomb was most useful as a smokescreen, but it wasn't as if grains of powder flying in to someone's corneas wasn't painful too, so she'd thrown it at his feet and taken off. And it had worked even better than she'd hoped.

The sound of footsteps other than her own notifying her that green haired guy was catching up, Ukyo threw a clip of mini spatulas behind her, not bothering to aim. She didn't have time for this-!

Her feet skidding around the corner, the young restaurant owner sighed in relief as she spotted the stairs to the first floor. Her pursuer was almost upon her, and she had only been carrying the one flour bomb- but that was alright. She had something even better to use on this guy.

When Sanageyama turned the corner as well, still rubbing his eyes from the highly effective attack/getaway maneuver, Ukyo was waiting mere feet away with her hand raised to head level. But she didn't use it to punch him- instead, she opened it and flung forward what it contained.

"Tempura flash!"

Flakes of tempura mixed with gunpowder hit the Athletic Club Committee Chair directly in the face. He fell backward, hacking and coughing as the powder clouding around his face sparked and crackled, conveniently also forcing him to keep his vaunted eyes tightly shut.

The second he recoiled from her, Ukyo turned and bolted for the stairs, mentally congratulating herself at a plan well executed. This guy wasn't so tough as long as you were sneaky. If he was truly the "strongest" of the woman's four henchmen like he'd boasted earlier, Furinkan probably didn't have to worry about being "conquered" any time soon, whatever that meant.

The okonomiyaki chef allowed herself a small smirk as she ran. Things weren't as bad as she'd thought. She was doing well against this guy (she'd heard his name, but didn't really care about it and had quickly forgotten), so Ryoga would probably win against the giant guy, and the principal was even probably out of commission for the day. So aside from Ranma's fight, it seemed everything was going fine.

Yes sir, everything was going just fine, right up until the ceiling caved in.

In an instant, the floor above the route to the stairs suddenly crumpled inward and fell, building material raining down directly on to the hallway beneath. Ukyo screamed and threw herself backwards, plowing in to a surprised Sanageyama (who was still stumbling around blindly) and knocking them both to the ground. This managed to keep both of them out of the range of the suddenly collapsing ceiling, which extended all the way down the hall, almost corner to corner, before stopping.

The sky stopped falling after a few seconds, and for a brief time, the only thing that moved was the massive amount of disturbed, swirling particles of dust. Then Sanageyama sat up, rubbing his eyes some more as the clinging powder that had been thrown at them began to dissipate. Ukyo coughed a few times as his shifting lifted her up as well, before attempting to place her hands on the floor and recover.

Both of them then froze in place as noise began to issue from the rubble, and as the dust began to settle, they realized just what had caused the upper hallway to submit to gravity.

Ukyo stared at a very bruised Akane, who was laughing weakly/semi-madly in triumph as she slowly stood up, holding a rather scared-stiff looking boy under her left armpit like a giant cardboard cutout.

Sanageyama stared at a very disheveled looking Inumuta, who was groaning in semi-pain as he pushed a rather large chunk of ceiling off of himself while muttering something indistinguishable under his breath.

"Told you... I would hit you... HAH..." Akane panted out with a mad looking grin.

Inumuta proceeded to haltingly stand up himself, shaking off plaster dust combined with floor tile fragments. His mouth held an expression of complete disbelief.

"...How... how could I have been...?"

The Tendo girl continued to bask in her moment of glory right up until she noticed the two person audience they now had. Once she did, her laughter abruptly stopped as she turned to gawk at the pair.

"Wha... Ukyo? What are you DOING?"

Inumuta turned as well, squinting at his fellow council member from beneath his visor.

"I'm sorry, were we _interrupting_ something?" the blue haired boy flatly remarked.

Ukyo and Sanageyama looked at each other and blinked in tandem as it slowly began to sink in that they were lying together on the floor, their heads mere inches apart, with Ukyo's back pressed flush against Sanageyama's chest.

Before either could truly react to this revelation, a small horde of students came rushing down the corridor, only to be stopped in their tracks by the scene right in front of them.

For a split second, the combatants and gambling group simply stared at each other.

And then...

"Wait, so UKYO is the one getting a new fiancee? Hold on, I want my money back, how were any of us supposed to guess _that_?!"

* * *

The side of a fist hit the the bottom of the great depression in the ground, its owner angry at both his opponent and himself.

He had seen that strike coming. He had even readjusted his balance mid air and grabbed for the sheath, sure that he could use it to get away without being hit. And yet, Ranma had not been prepared for the blast of ki that had come ripping out of its tip an instant later. So now, he was lying at the bottom of a blast crater, with both his stomach and chest hurting as much they ever had, and still no clue as to why he had even been forced in to this fight to begin with.

Ranma stood with a pained grunt and looked up at the point of the large half-spherical hole at which he'd tumbled in.

Well, time to get back to it.

He made his way over to the lip of the crater and swung his arms over the side, allowing him to push off the ground with enough force to lift him completely out of the earthy basin and land himself back in a standing position. The martial artist tried to ignore the protest his lower and upper body gave at doing so.

The woman was waiting for him.

"I take it you still ain't plannin' on surrenderin'?"

In answer, the woman simply smiled and made a "_come at me_" gesture with her free hand.

Ranma smirked- he knew he was distinctly lacking any sort of plan to put his opponent down other than "hit and don't get hit back", but he'd always been better at improvising anyways.

"Yeah, didn't think so."

Grinning, he dove right in.

With a _shing_ of steel the martial artist couldn't help but notice his opponent's style had changed. Hell, anyone would have. Whereas before she was mainly blockading his strikes with her sword case and waiting for attacks of opportunity, now the sword was out of its sheath, and the woman wielded them in tandem. Ranma would have thought that impressive- dual wielding wasn't exactly a common skill- were it not so potentially lethal in what had seemed up until now to be a simple battle for dominance.

...although, actually, it still wasn't a terribly "dangerous" fight. She wasn't actually attacking with the sword, only using it as a shield, forcing Ranma to pull back attack after attack to keep from slicing a finger, hand, or foot off. She maneuvered the weapon in ways that he could easily evade ever striking it, but only if he either cut off his own attack entirely, or diverted it to a different angle that she could either dodge or counter. She seemed slower from the working over he'd given her with the Chestnut Fist earlier, but her rather dirty tactic was enough to keep the fight from going anywhere quickly.

Ranma grimaced- great. She was using live steel against him, but since she wasn't doing so in a way that aimed to seriously _harm_, he couldn't really get legitimately angry at her the way he had with opponents like Taro and Ryu. She was willing to do anything that would let her win, but only up to a certain point- sort of like his own credo, really.

It was still ridiculously unfair though, which the martial artist could easily find it in himself to be rather miffed about.

"Would ya put the sword down already?!" Ranma yelled with obvious annoyance as he was forced to divert another strike to keep from splitting his palm open.

"NO! In times of strife, it is those who rise above the common ideals of what is fair and acceptable that achieve success in the end! If it is for the sake of triumphing in this conflict, Kiryuin Satsuki will do whatever it takes!" the woman replied as Ranma's old enemy, the sheath from hell, came rocketing towards his chin.

The martial artist couldn't help but puzzle over that statement as he smashed the sword case off course with his other hand. Geez, he'd been even more right than he'd known. To hear his own school's motto practically parroted back at him; that was kind of weird coming from someone he had only known for the duration of this fight.

...oh, and THAT was her name? He'd totally missed that earlier.

Ranma pulled back after a failed feint attack- which his opponent was annoyingly good at noticing- and used the small break in the action to try and figure out a way around the sword problem. The girl took advantage of the change in distance to quickly swing her sword at the ground near her feet, the pressure wave created by doing so sending a rain of dirt chunks flying six feet in to the air. The martial artist didn't stay confused about what she was doing for long, as the sheath in her other hand was pulled back and swung.

Ranma ducked and weaved as shards of Earth, hardened and tempered from being stamped over by hundreds of students every day for years on end, were belted at him like rapid fire baseballs. Luckily, they were slow enough to dodge, as they weren't being hit with ki-enhanced strength- no wonder, they would probably disintegrate.

"The hell kind of attack was that?" Ranma asked sarcastically as he flipped over the final dirt clod/virtual rock. Seemed more like something HE would try and pull than-

"One that WORKED!" came the reply as a sword-created shockwave, nearly on par with the one that had decimated the front of the school, came flying out of the dust cloud that had naturally formed from beating the tar out of a bunch of dirt. Ranma's eyes widened in realization as he quickly estimated time to impact and went with the first idea that came to mind.

"MOKO TAKABISHA!"

The ki blast was not aimed at the oncoming attack, but directly in to the sky. As per Newton's third law (which only sometimes chose to grace Nerima with its presence), Ranma was propelled backwards in to the Earth as the Kiryuin lady's attack passed harmlessly overhead, thankfully going completely over top of the school this time. He immediately rolled and kicked back to his feet, reassuming his previous position.

"You were saying?"

The woman smiled as her miniature smokescreen dissipated, as if having almost expected such a result. Ranma grinned back- honestly, he could respect an opponent like this. He had no idea why they were fighting, but she certainly was well trained, and seemingly not looking to cause any permanent harm to anyone despite the very sharp blade she held. Thus far, she had really only been actually attempting to hit him with blunt attacks- even the wave from just now probably wouldn't have done more than smash him in to something- and she didn't seem to have a personal vendetta against him or anything, which was a rarity in his fights.

Though, he was still pretty sure he'd heard something about "conquering" in that speech he'd only half-listened too earlier, and the talk of being "crushed beneath their feet" before the fight had even started meant her intentions likely weren't exactly pleasant. Oh well.

The battle at a temporary standstill again, Ranma finally got an actual chance to consider what to do next. If he wanted to get past the sword, he probably needed to pull out another special technique to surprise her with- but which one? He didn't even have to try first to tell that "Satsuki" had too much self control to be led in to a Hiryu Shoten Ha- even if he managed to get her to follow him in the spiral, she likely wouldn't get angry enough to power it even if he spent the entire time insulting her. The Amaguriken had worked well once, but she would be prepared for that now, and at that sort of speed he might not be able to stop if she mounted any sort of defense with her sword; not to even mention he wasn't exactly feeling up to another full fledged fist barrage when it could all too easily lead to another blast to the stomach/chest. Maybe the U...

...where was that whistling noise coming from?

Before Ranma could so much as look around, he was promptly blindsided by a flying dinner table.

**!-SMAKT-!**

Both he and the piece of furniture went tumbling backwards, but rolled/crashed to a stop before going all that far. Only a few seconds later, the table lay partially wrecked on its side, while Ranma lay with his limbs splayed out upon the ground, his head now facing the sky.

The other head- the one sticking out of the center of the table- moaned.

"Owww..."

Ranma simply stared up at it incredulously until it turned to look at him.

"Er, sorry, I- oh, hey, Ranma! It's you!" Tsubasa remarked as he looked around, seeming confused. "Wait a second, this is Furinkan! You liar! You told me you didn't dress up all that often, but you're going to school like that?!"

Dress up...?

Ranma tilted his head up to stare at his chest and found his view blocked by two rather large (and annoyingly wet) mounds of flesh that hadn't been there a few seconds ago. Slowly, he (now she) turned her head to the side to stare at the shattered remnants of a crystal flower vase, which had apparently upturned its contents- all over her, naturally- upon impact.

Having confirmed what had hit her, the occasional girl lolled her head back in to a neutral position, staring up in to the heavens. It didn't take that long for her to figure out what she wanted to say.

"You have GOT to be kidding. That has got to be the most unlikely way I have ever been splashed, bar NONE. Why do you **do** this?" Ranma groused, aiming her complaints at whatever Kami had been screwing with her life since Jusenkyo, or perhaps just the universe in general.

"Hey, this isn't a plot to seduce Ukyo, is it?! If it is, I'll-"

No, no, enough. She could not deal with stupid accusations today. There were bigger concerns.

"Ranma, YOU-!"

"Just GO, Tsubasa." Ranma muttered, her ki flaring in to the visible spectrum as she stood and turned back to her stone faced opponent.

Tsubasa gulped, not having been privy to what an angry, ki-using martial artist looked like before now. "Uh, yeah, I'll... I'll just go do that..."

The crossdresser popped out of the table- for some reason garbed in a dress so frilly and sweet it may very well have given even Shiratori Asuza a toothache- and scurried off through the front gate, vanishing as if he had never been there.

Barring the wreckage of the table, which remained. But otherwise, gone.

Ranma tilted her head from side to side to crack her neck, reanalyzing the situation. Okay, now that she was no longer flaring with anger over being hit by a falling hardwood dining set, she could think straight- maybe Table-basa's "intervention" had been a good thing. She'd sustained only minor injuries from the collision, and in exchange she'd gotten exactly what she had been hoping to get earlier- she was now in her girl form, if from the least probable source of water imaginable. Her upgraded speed probably wouldn't be something this Satsuki girl was expecting either, which took care of how to catch her off guard easily enough.

But the pigtailed aquatransexual was also feeling the exertion from the fight thus far, and her injuries weren't helping any. Was the speed increase going to be enough to swing this fight definitively in her favor at this point?

She gave the matter all of half a second's thought before shrugging it off. She'd just have to find out.

Dialing back her ki aura so as not to waste energy, the martial artist began walking sedately back towards the girl in the military outfit, who was standing in the same ready position she'd been in when Tsubasa had touched down. Ranma noted that she didn't even look _surprised_ by anything that had just happened. Was this woman made of ICE?

* * *

As her opponent walked back towards her, Satsuki kept her features stilled in the cool, some-might-say haughty expression that she wore so often. Behind that mask, her mind whirled like a panicked tornado as she tried to make some sense of what had just happened.

It wasn't as though she really needed to keep testing Saotome. He had already proven himself to be better than any of her current Elite Four in terms of combat skill, and hadn't backed down in the slightest since they'd started- she hadn't fought anyone this good in... ever, honestly. Whether he qualified for any sort of particular position at her school was besides the point. She had already decided to extend an invitation to him; the details could be worked out later.

But in order to get him to _accept_ that invitation, she needed to win this fight. If what Satsuki had seen earlier was any indication, Saotome wasn't much one for school, but she could likely bait the hook of transferring to Honnouji with the promise of strong opponents, as well as the niceties that being a three star student at her school would afford. Saotome didn't seem too far removed from a more noble version of Sanageyama, so it seemed like that sort of strategy would work.

At the same time, if she lost, there wouldn't be much incentive for him to take her at her word. Coming from a defeated opponent, such a promise would ring hollow. So she would need to prove she was stronger here and now, and leave him with something to reach for until she could explain everything in full.

...Of course, if she was profiling him wrong then this could all be pointless. She had an extremely small frame of reference to work out his personality- namely, the words and actions he'd displayed between now and when they'd arrived- but she'd previously managed to make it work with each of the Elite Four, even when she'd known Inumuta for less than ten seconds before inviting him to her school. With any luck that trend would continue- but still, she couldn't be certain. Even using her sword the way she was could lead to him not respecting her if she was reading his _actual_ scruples concerning "fighting etiquette" incorrectly- so hopefully, she wasn't.

All this led back to her current situation, where it was looking more and more like none of that would even matter until she regained some basic understanding of what the hell was going on.

Was this a trick? Some sort of baffling ruse designed by Saotome to keep opponents off balance? Or was it an actual, physical transformation of some kind, meaning he had actually changed genders? If so, HOW? And why had being hit by a girl dressed as a _dining table_ of all things triggered it? Where had SHE come from?!

"Hey, you ready ta' end this?" Satsuki's apparently now female opponent asked as she stopped only a few yards width away.

Satsuki briefly closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and calmed her mind before nodding. While she was utterly mystified by the fact that her opponent was now a girl for some reason, she couldn't afford to be distracted. She needed to keep herself collected if she wanted to win this fight, along with any chance of recruiting Saotome at all.

The two stared each other down, all but _daring_ the other to move.

And then the redhead dashed forward, quick as lightning-

Satsuki's brain reeled in alarm at the sudden change in speed even as she desperately raised Bakuzan to defend, too _slow_-!

"HOTCHA!"

Satsuki felt something impact and stick to her rear, triggering horrible flashbacks of every _other_ touch she'd ever received there. She immediately whirled her head around and drove her sword case at whatever the object was, knee-jerk reaction entirely overriding the fact that she was currently in battle. Said object flew off before the case even made contact, leaping around in a blur before landing in front of her and revealing itself to be... a gnome?

"Now what do we have here?" the two foot tall creature spoke with a joyful cackle. "I think I'd remember a behind as fine as yours! You must be from out of town!"

Satsuki looked down at it with disgust as she quickly reasserted her iron self-control. Was this a _person_?

Seeing the obvious distaste in her expression, the man(?)'s eyes abruptly turned large and teary in an extremely disturbing rendition of the puppy dog pout. "You don't like me...? How _cruel_...!" he whined. "I'm just an old, tired man, in need of rest..."

The crying stopped as the _thing_ leapt at Satsuki without warning, heading directly for her chest. "...and come to think of it, your bosom looks like the perfect spot for a nap!"

Caught completely off guard by the situation she was currently being confronted with, Satsuki began moving a few crucial milliseconds too late.

"Ha**ppoSAI!**"

Thankfully, her opponent took the initiative for her as a fist impacted with the back of the gnome's head in midair, driving him in to the ground. A second later, he sprang back up, looking no worse for wear.

"RANMA-CHAN!" the man yelled excitedly as his eyes met the angry redhead's, his mood switching in an instant. "Ooh, ooh, before I forget! I brought you back a present- behold!"

From within his purple gi, the miniature person pulled out an... extremely sheer set of red lingerie.

Satsuki resisted the urge to rub her eyes to make sure she was seeing the scene before her correctly. Her opponent gaped for a moment before his... her eyes shut tightly, her brow slanting down as far as it would go and a twitching snarl quickly working its way across her face. Her arms stiffened like iron rods by her sides, fists held horizontal and clenched hard enough to almost break skin.

"This is some of the finest underwear I've ever obtained! Said to have been worn by Nobunaga Oichi herself!" the small man announced with glee. "...Won't you model them for your master, Ranma-chan?"

"NO I'M NOT GONNA WEAR THAT YA' WRINKLED LECH!" Saotome screamed back, lashing out in an attempt to tear the flimsy garb away from him. The man simply bounced away, not looking the least bit perturbed.

"Aww, but I stole them just for you!" he said with another disturbing, watery eyed lip quiver as he tucked the undergarments back in to his purple gi.

"When the hell did you even get back in to town?!" the redhead questioned, utter fury in her eyes.

"Heh, about four hours ago, give or take! And if you won't model them, then at _least_ give your master a welcome-back hug!"

Satsuki stared as the troll-like midget latched on to Saotome's chest, gripping and fondling it like some sort of semi-human burr, as Saotome herself desperately tried to wrench/beat him off.

"Ah, how I've missed this!"

"GET **OFF** ME OLD FREAK!"

Satsuki's eyebrow began twitching uncontrollably.

_She would not lose her composure here. She would not lose her composure here. She would **NOT** lose her composure here..._

* * *

"Wake up."

Gamagori gently shook his unconscious opponent.

"**Wake up**."

Gamagori heartily shook his unconscious opponent.

"**WAAAAAKEEEEE UUUUUP!**"

Gamagori took his unconscious opponent by the shoulders and shook him up and down like a overly enthused kid with a Christmas present while screaming at the top of his lungs.

The younger teen's head lolled backwards, blood still trailing out of his nose.

Frowning, Gamagori set his insensate adversary down against one of the few nearby trees that had NOT been toppled during their fight, before sitting down himself in a semi-lotus position and planting his hands firmly on his knees.

What was he supposed to do now? Should he be waiting for the boy to wake up, or was there something more productive he should be doing? He hadn't gotten to finish the "testing", but as the teen was now out cold, and seemingly for a good while, it didn't seem a conclusion would be reachable any time soon. As taking care of the teen was the only order Gamagori had been given by his lady, he now needed to figure out whether it would be more appropriate to return to her side for further instruction, or to go and be proactive in conquering this school with his fellow council members. Given the energy beam that had shot out of the wall a minute ago, the Disciplinary Committee Chair was certain that, at the very least, Nonon was already inside.

His pondering was cut short as the very same girl came running frantically out of the school building's new deluxe-size entrance, looking _very_ pissed off- yet also somewhat alarmed, something Gamagori had rarely seen her express.

Spotting her fellow council member, the pink haired girl shouted a warning even as she spun around and began running back towards the courtyard.

"Hey, Toad! Watch out, the coin bitch somehow stopped my uniform from working!"

Gamagori turned to look at the gaping hole that now existed in the side of the school just as said "coin bitch" walked out of it. Nonon hightailed it out of the area as the new woman's gaze alighted upon the Disciplinary Committee Chair.

"I don't recognize you. Are you an associate of that girl's?" she asked as she stalked up to him, yen piece held ready between the fingers of her right hand.

Gamagori took a brief glance at his still comatose opponent before standing up and replying. "Yes, I am."

"Ah, so you're another delinquent then."

She moved back, positioning herself with her coin aimed dead center at Gamagori's chest. Hinako had no idea why her attempt at draining the girl from before had worked- she had gained more energy- and yet not worked- the girl hadn't looked drained in the slightest- but if it didn't work on this one, she could just blast him with a No-Yen Coin Return.

Gamagori held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Please, hold. I have no intent to fight or otherwise harm you."

"Oh? Did you not do this to him?" Hinako asked icily, gesturing at Ryoga.

Gamagori considered his answer. "Partially. We fought, but what knocked him out was a purple haired girl blown out of the building by what I believe was Jakuzure's attack. I certainly was not aiming to make him lose consciousness."

He had kind of needed him awake after all.

Slowly, the hostile expression dropped from the woman's face, though the coin remained held high.

"Are you a teacher at this school?" Gamagori asked. It made no sense, but she was far too old to be a student here...

"Indeed I am. My name is Ninomiya Hinako, English teacher and head disciplinarian of this school."

Oh good, someone who gave their full name right up front... who shared his occupation, even.

"Why was Jakuzure running away from you?"

"Because I intend to punish her for her delinquency. She created an enormous hole on the outside of the school, destroyed the walls of at least two classrooms, and attacked both myself and the girl you saw for no apparent reason. I was already taking care of the purple haired one, but your friend made quite clear her intent to attack both of us. Her delinquency could not be more obvious, so she will have to be dealt with."

"...I see."

Gamagori nodded, crossing his arms and closing his eyes to think on the matter for a brief time.

Eventually, he came to a decision. He knew what he had to do.

...and so the three star student lowered himself in to as low a standing bow as he could muster, which still ended up being just as tall as the woman he was inclining himself too.

"As the Disciplinary Committee Chair of Honnouji Academy, I formally apologize on my associate's behalf. I've no idea why Jakuzure would think it appropriate to attack a teacher, let alone use that laser of hers while still inside the building. We will pay for all damages, and I will make sure reparations are made."

Hinako hadn't been expecting that, and slowly the arm holding her yen piece drifted back to her side.

"...You're an awfully polite young man. You don't _seem_ like a delinquent... what's your name?" she asked as he straightened back up.

"Gamagori Ira." the teen in question replied, resisting the urge to yell his given designation at maximum volume the way he usually did.

"Hmm. Perhaps you can explain to me why you and that girl are here, evidently attacking other people. What is your purpose in doing so? Do you have a good reason?"

Gamagori squinted at that. This was the third person out of three who apparently just didn't get it. Had ANYONE listened to them when they'd arrived? Or had their intentions somehow not been clear?

...He had to ask. This was becoming downright exasperating.

"We _did_ explain why we are here and what we are doing. Not that long ago in fact, and loud enough for the entire school to hear. If I might ask, is there a particular reason you- or any others, actually- may have missed it?"

The Disciplinary Committee Chair could have sworn he saw a sweatdrop run down the brunette woman's head at that.

"...I'm afraid I was rather scatterbrained today up until a little while ago." she replied after a long pause. "You'll have to forgive me if I missed it. Would you mind explaining it again?"

Gamagori thought the matter over for a moment.

Well, his objective was out cold anyways, so he didn't have much else to do, but he couldn't truly tell her anything. The ruse had to be upheld, and he doubted their stated goal would go over all that well with the woman. Since she clearly had combat ability, as she'd sent Nonon running, by all rights they SHOULD have been fighting right about-

Hmm... although...

The three star brought a hand to his chin. As a teacher/disciplinarian, she would likely respond better to the threat of life fibers if it was simply explained to her outright. Certainly better than she would if he first told her they had come to put this school and everyone in it under their thumb for no reason he could give. And if she HAD somehow stopped Nonon's goku uniform...

"Yes, but I will need to ask for permission to do so first. Come with me." Gamagori pronounced, gesturing for the woman to follow him.

Hinako looked in the direction he intended to go before replying.

"Very well. I would like to speak with the pink haired girl anyways, and I'm sure I saw her run off in that direction..."

The two authoritarians began their short, calm walk back to the courtyard. Just as they had moved past the trees, a white robed figure emerged from the school building, dragging itself out of the laser made breach.

"Wait..." moaned Mousse as he looked around for Shampoo. Where had she gone...?

It didn't really matter. Having used the last of his strength to crawl his way outside, Mousse finally re-collapsed right next to Ryoga's inert but smiling form, joining the Lost Boy and a certain Kuno in a deep, tired slumber.

And lo, the Anti-Ranma Moron Triad was finally reunited.

...if not in the land of the conscious.

* * *

This chapter was not SUPPOSED to be this long, but it just kept getting bigger, so- here. Take it. Not quite satisfied with it, but hopefully it still reads well.

It's... somewhat unclear how understanding Tsubasa is of Ranma's curse. He says Ranma and he have the same "interests", implying he doesn't get it, but it could have been just very odd phrasing or teasing. He SAW Ranma change right in front of him, and he doesn't have the same mental barrier that Kuno does, so... eh? I just wrote it that he calls it "dressing up" one way or the other.

As promised, no ultra length author's note this time! Hope you're enjoying this! (And if not, why are you still here? Go, go, find something you enjoy reading or doing! Life's too short to sit there cry- er, wasting time on something you're slogging through, so go! Have fun! Take the threads of fate, turn them in to your own! Do it! Do it now!)


End file.
